It's Always Sunny In Konoha
by ActuallyNevis
Summary: AU. Iruka is co-manager for Uchiha Insurance Company. Kakashi is Executive Chef at ANBU, a hip restaurant. Iruka agrees to start dating Kakashi to get someone else to notice him. Problem is, Kakashi is falling for him. Yaoi. KakaIru Updated weekly.
1. Chapter 1:  Iruka's First Day

**Chapter One – Iruka's First day**

_Reason #1 – I'm a ninja._

Iruka drove slowly down the narrow alley holding his cell phone to his ear thinking, damnit - _I'm lost_. And on my first day back in Konoha, too.

"Naruto, your directions suck!" Iruka yelled into his phone.

"Iruka, I'm sorry! I _thought_ it was a shortcut..." Naruto said with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, I'll turn on my GPS like I should have in the first place." Iruka growled as he slowed his BMW to a stop. He reached over and took a sip of his café mocha and then set his Starbucks back down.

"I know you're going to be great, Iruka!" Naruto continued enthusiastically. "You deserve this promotion!"

"Yeah, thanks Naruto." Iruka sighed.

Iruka gripped his iPhone to his shoulder as he turned his attention to the dashboard on his car. It was new and he scowled at the instrument panel in consternation. He pushed the buttons tentatively, hoping to hear something that _sounded_ like GPS. He knew when he had purchased the vehicle that it had a GPS system, he just wasn't exactly sure how to make it work. He leaned over and pulled out the instruction manual and glared at it, too.

Today was his first day as the co-branch manager for the prestigious downtown office of _Uchiha Insurance Company_. He had previously been working his way up through the underwriting department over in Amegakure, and he was glad to be back in his home town. He had worked for the company for over ten years and the promotion did feel great. Insurance wasn't exactly what he had wanted to do with his life, but, well that was another regret for another day. Iruka shoved those thoughts aside. He was very glad to be back in Konoha, though. Amegakure was nice and all, but there was nothing like _Konoha_. Naruto was here going to University and he had missed his friends as well as their foster father, Jiraiya. The promotion and extra money was pretty nice, too.

"You're not late, _yet_, Iruka." Naruto reminded him. "Stop stressing. I can hear it in your voice."

Iruka looked at his watch. The dial on his sleek stainless steel _Movado_ watch showed he still had an hour to get to work. Naruto was right. He was still early.

"Stop worrying." Naruto chided.

There was a sharp rap on Iruka's glass window. Iruka eeped and looked out his window and almost dropped his phone. There was a very tall tattooed man standing there. He had blue hair and tattooed gills on his neck, as well as tattooed fish of every description all over his arms, chest and neck that picked out from the wife-beater t-shirt he was wearing. Iruka's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and if he admitted it to himself, a small bit of alarm.

"May I help you?" Iruka asked, still holding the phone to his ear, hoping the bizarre blue-haired-tattooed-man _hadn't_ heard his distinctly un-manly 'eep'.

"Did you need directions or something, mister?" The blue-haired-tattooed-man asked politely. Then he smiled.

Iruka blinked.

"What's going on?" Naruto asked over the phone. "Is some hentai bothering you? HENTAI!" Naruto shouted loudly through his iPhone. "Just leave Iruka! _Petal to the metal-!" _

The blue-haired-tattooed-man obviously heard Naruto yelling even through the phone, _and_ through the glass. Naruto had a very loud voice. The blue-haired-tattooed-man cracked another friendly smile.

"Naruto, hold on a second." Iruka said and looked out his window.

Beyond the man that had approached him, there were a few other men. Iruka took in the alleyway around him – he was parked in the passage behind some restaurant apparently. There were two men playing shogi at a small crooked table. One of the men was had a dark beard and was smoking and staring at the board intently. He had a few tattoos, too.

The man he was playing shogi with was sitting cross-legged and not appearing to be paying too much attention to the game. He was actually reading _porn_. He had a shock of silvery-white hair that looked as if he hadn't combed it in the last decade. It was standing at attention haphazardly, and half in his face. He was holding a leash to a pug, who was, yes, Iruka leaned and peered closer up against his window, the pug was peeing on the wheel of his BMW. Iruka hadn't even catalogued the most bizarre thing about that man yet. He had an honest-to-god eye patch. Who wears an eye patch? What the hell? It's not Halloween! And, wait, Iruka thought he was also wearing some sort of surgeon's mask over part of his face; over his nose and mouth. Iruka just stared at the man for a moment and then he shook his head. _Ridiculous_.

Iruka rolled down his window with a flick of his finger.

"Yes, I am lost." Iruka stated.

The blue-haired-tattooed-man nodded. "What are you looking for?"

"Iruka don't ask strange men for directions! They're all hentai!" Naruto continued to shout on the phone. "_HENTAI!_"

"Naruto, shut up." Iruka said to his phone. "Will I see you for dinner?"

"Yeah. I gotta get to class anyways." Naruto said. "Tell Sasuke he's a teme for me, ne?"

"_Bye, Naruto_." Iruka said and hung up then set his iPhone in the cup holder next to his Starbucks.

"Who's Naruto?" The bizarre white-haired old man asked who was reading the porn asked. He didn't even stop reading his porn. The man didn't even look up. How rude!

"I'm sorry; I don't think that's any of your business." Iruka said with a frown.

"Well, he called me a strange man, and he called me hentai, I think it makes it my business." The man stated.

Iruka huffed and straightened his tie.

"Look, you're sitting there reading porn, old man. I don't know you and you're sitting there at 6:30 am reading porn in a back alley with two strange men while your dog pisses on my car. I think that makes you significantly hentai." Iruka barked out, his voice raising in anger.

The blue-haired-tattooed-man and the bearded-smoking man both turned to look at Iruka and burst out laughing.

The smoking man pointed his cigarette at Iruka. "He put you in your place, Kakashi."

"I'm looking for the Uchiha Insurance Company." Iruka asked, reaching over to adjust his cufflinks.

The bearded man smiled warmly. "Well, you found it."

"Huh?" Iruka said in confusion.

"This alley backs up to it." The bearded man pointed to the sign above the door they were playing shogi by. The sign read "ANBU" – Iruka vaguely had heard of it. It was the name of a very popular restaurant. I guess they must work there, he thought to himself. Iruka looked at the men again. They were dressed in baggy blue and white stripped pants with rubber shoes on, which was rather odd. But he knew nothing of the restaurant business. He shrugged.

"So do you guys work at that restaurant?" Iruka looked confused.

"I guess you could say that." The blue-haired-tattooed-man said in a low rumbling voice.

"UIC - The Uchiha Insurance Company takes up _that_ _whole block_." The beard man pointed towards the other side of the alley, where every other door was clearly labeled with the fan logo for the Uchiha Insurance Company. Iruka laughed, flushing with embarrassment and reached up to scratch at the scar on his nose. If he had only looked up – he would have seen it for himself.

"Hai!" Iruka said. "I feel a little silly."

The blue-haired-tattooed-man shrugged. "Don't worry about it."

Just then, one of the _Uchiha Insurance Company_ doors opened and a man stepped out, he was youngish with a his long hair pulled up in a pony tail and his hands shoved into his pockets as he fished out a cigarette.

"Troublesome...hey Asuma, do you have a light?" The man asked as he crossed the alley.

"_Shikamaru!_" Iruka called out, waving from inside his car. He was surprised to see the man in the office so early, actually. The lazy bastard was always trying to get out of work.

The man looked over, clearly surprised to see Iruka in the alley, and then smiled. He walked over. "What are you doing in the alley, uhh...Umino-san?"

"_Iruka_ is fine, Shikamaru. Please, please...no formalities." Iruka smiled. "I got a little lost this morning. Can I get in through that back door? I wanted to bring my stuff into my office." Iruka asked.

"Sure, Iruka. It's good you came in early. You know Izumo and Ko are planning a little party..."

Iruka smiled and blushed slightly a little as he got out of the car. He hopped over the trail of urine as he did so, shooting a glare over at the old man who was still reading his porn.

"So why are you ruining the surprise, Shika?" Iruka laughed, straightened his muted blue and grey striped tie and picked up his briefcase, then buttoned his trim black suit.

"Well, because it's such a drag to keep it a secret." Shikamaru sighed and walked over to Asuma to get a light. He cupped a hand around it as he sucked on it, and then blew the smoke out for a moment, obviously enjoying it.

"Well, I wouldn't want to put you out, Shika." Iruka muttered as he walked around to the trunk of his BMW and bent over to pick up a box of his things that had been in his office in Amegakure. He felt eyes on him and he turned his head around. That old man, the one-eyed hentai pervert, he was looking at his ass! Iruka glared at him, picked up the box and then slammed the trunk to his car for good measure.

"Is it okay to leave my car parked out here for a few minutes?" Iruka asked the restaurant workers. He directed his question towards the bearded one and the blue-haired one, since he was still giving glares towards the one-eyed hentai one.

"Yeah, it's fine." The bearded guy said. "My name is _Asuma_ by the way." He held his hand out, still smoking.

Iruka juggled the box and briefcase in his arms. "_Iruka._"

"Nice to meet you." Asuma said. "First day, huh?"

He laughed a little. "Yeah, just transferred from Amegakure."

Asuma puffed on his cigarette and pointed to the blue-haired man. "That's _Kisame_. Best sushi chef in all of the five lands."

Iruka nodded, suitably impressed. "Nice to meet you. I like sushi; I'll have to come by sometime."

The old man, hentai pervert was still sitting there reading his damn porn. The pug had wandered over and was now sniffing Iruka's shoes. If he peed on his beautiful, expensive black leather shoes, he was going to strangle the man with the dog's leash. No, he would probably _enjoy_ that, the hentai.

"And that's Kakashi." The bearded man pointed towards the old pervert reading his porn.

"You're _Umino Iruka_." The man stated, peering at him over the top of his porn. Then he giggled slightly. Seriously. _He giggled or tittered or something of the sort. _

Iruka restrained himself from narrowing his eyes at the undignified response that the old man brought out in him. He took a deep breath and tried to remain calm. He would not yell at this vulgar, perverted, hentai restaurant worker at – he looked at his watch – 6:45am.

"Uhh...yeah. That's me." Iruka replied stiffly then looked down at the pug who was rubbing its head against his nicely pressed and hemmed pant legs. _Leaving lots of little tan hairs-!_ Iruka backed away. Damnit, he didn't want to go work on his first day covered in dog hair!

"Pakkun likes you." The man, Kakashi said, jingling the leash in his hand.

"Okay, he's cute – I just don't want dog hair on my pants, ne?" Iruka said with a laugh. "First day and all."

Iruka's phone rang again in his pocket. The ringtone was the _Icha Icha Paradise theme-song_. Iruka rolled his eyes – damn Naruto, he must have set that up when he wasn't paying attention. He looked at who it was – it was their foster father, Jiraiya.

Kakashi's eye lit up as Iruka turned away to answer the phone call.

"Dad, what's up?" Iruka asked quietly, trying to muffle the conversation. "I only have a second."

"I can't call my Son on his first day?" Jiraiya asked, sounding offended.

"I'm surprised you're even awake, old man!" Iruka groused, imagining the other man pouting on the other end.

"Well...I kind of needed a favor..." His foster father wheedled.

"Dad!" Iruka sighed. "Now really isn't a good time for me."

"Just one more book, please? You're the best editor I know." Jiraiya pleaded.

"Fine. But you're going to sign with UIC for another five years." Iruka demanded. "Make an appointment with Hinata today."

"Yes, anything." Jiraiya sounded pleased. "And also the movie script?"

"The movie script too?" Iruka groaned and tapped his foot impatiently. "Fine, but I want extra points. And a bonus!"

"Thank-you, Son! You're awesome!" His Father said happily sounding remarkably like Naruto in that moment.

"Oh, Dad...If ignorance is bliss, _you_ must be ecstatic."

"That hurts, _Son_, that hurts." Jiraiya sounded sad. Then immediately bounced back in his manner. "We're still on for dinner tonight at Ichiraku's, right?"

"Yes, I'll see you at seven." Iruka said and hung up the phone, pocketing his iPhone.

He looked around and realized everyone had been listening to his conversation. He shrugged and said: "Parents." As if that explained everything.

Asuma and Shikamaru nodded.

"Hey, Shikamaru, can you show me to my office? I want to get settled." Iruka asked.

"Yeah, yeah." Shika dropped his cigarette butt to the ground and put it out with the bottom of his black loafer.

"_Umino Iruka_." Kakashi said suddenly, which stopped Iruka's forward momentum. He paused still feeling awkward, holding his box of things and his briefcase.

"Yes?" Iruka quirked an eyebrow.

"Would you like to go out sometime?" Kakashi asked Iruka man casually. So casually in fact, he didn't even look up from his porn.

Kakashi was reading _Icha Icha Paradise V. 6. _ Iruka snorted to himself, internally. _Icha Icha Paradise_. Jiraiya, his foster father, wrote the damn things. And for the past five years, had been wheedling, pleading, begging and outright bribing him to edit the cursed things. Iruka had been trying to put better stories into them – interject more humor and plot into them. But Jiraiya usually came back in when he was done and would cut some of it and add in extra smutty scenes. Curse that man! It was vaguely odd to work on what was basically porn with his father-figure, but they had come to an understanding to it. They discussed it scientifically. And it helped that Iruka was gay, so the sex scenes with women were all rather academic anyways.

"Why are you wearing a mask on your face?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi scratched the back of his head and looked slightly awkward. Then he laughed and said, "_I'm a ninja?"_

Asuma and Kisame laughed.

Iruka snorted then shuffled the box in his hands.

"I'm sorry, I don't date the elderly." Iruka stated archly. "Or the feeble-minded. I think you might be both."

Kakashi's mouth opened and closed twice behind his mask.

Iruka grinned rakishly, saluted the group in goodbye and then turned to follow a smirking Shikamaru into the _Uchiha Insurance Company _office building_._

"I think I'm in love." Kakashi sighed dramatically.

"Oh, crap." Asuma said with feeling.

_A/N: Well, There's the first chapter of my newest fic into the madness of the mind that is Nevis-! This time it is a MODERN-DAY Konoha fic, I know, crazy, right? Well, I hope that made sense. It mostly just to wet your appetite, really, since it's just the first chapter. Don't worry, I will update at least weekly – possibly sooner. Each chapter will alternate between point-of-view's...Iruka-then-Kakashi. Fic will be KakaIru. So, first chapter you get to meet Iruka on his first day (well, morning really). Next chapter will be from Kakashi's point of view and you will see what he's doing over there and find out a little more about this world that I'm creating for you. _

_Many thanks as always to WhitenyRose and Fred-The-Moose!_

_Please Review! ^_^_


	2. Chapter 2: Kakashi's Proposal

**Chapter Two – Kakashi's Proposal**

_Reason #2 – I lost my lips in a tragic dishwasher accident when I was four._

Kakashi watched Kurenai and one of the busboys, _Kiba_, that one who was always bringing his dog to work with him. The two of them pulled a big catering order out of the largest walk-in cooler and discussed it in hushed undertones looking in each of the big bags as they did so. First they piled the order at the end of one of the stainless steel counter and they started stacking lots of extra napkins, plates, paper cups and cutlery into the bags. They were in the large, sterile back kitchens for ANBU.

He frowned. Kurenai was married to Asuma; and she ran the front end of the restaurant and all the catering calls. One of the sous chefs must have filled the order earlier that day. He didn't know who the order was for _specifically_ but he had an inkling what company it was for because the woman was walking with Kiba towards the back door to the alley with the large order. And there was typically only one company they walked orders for out the back ally with.

"Kurenai." Kakashi paused and set down his chef's knife. He pushed aside the chicken breast he had been deboning. He took off the plastic gloves he was wearing and tossed them in the trash. "Maa...why don't I help you take that order over?"

The woman narrowed her gaze at him and flipped her long black hair over her shoulder. She was wearing an elegant black dress, since her job was to represent the front of the house on a daily basis. She tapped her red high heel on the polished marble floor.

"Kakashi, in all the years we've been working together you have _never_ offered to go on a delivery." Kurenai pursed her lips. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

He had opened ANBU years ago along with his best friend, Asuma. They went in on the restaurant as a full partnership. They had filled the ranks with all of their old friends from their old military days. Surprisingly a lot of the old crew had enjoyed cooking on their off days. However, he was the only one who had actually gone to culinary school. He had also spent a few years honing his skills in the restaurants in Paris, Italy, and Spain - before coming back and settling down in Konoha. Almost all of the staff members were various people he had met around the globe.

"I am the face of ANBU?" He suggested.

"What face, yeah?" Deidara said walking past, pushing a large rack of baked goods. Deidara was the head pastry chef; he also baked all the bread for the restaurant. He was short, skinny, and blond with a bad attitude. But he made great pastries. Or so his customers said. Kakashi wasn't much of a fan of sweets.

Kakashi grunted. "Go back to your ovens!"

Deidara laughed and continued walking and pushing the racks.

Asuma wandered over and shook his head. "Kurenai, you _did_ want extra time to train that new hostess, Ino, right? Well, just send him over with Kiba. How much trouble could he get into?"

The woman looked doubtful but ultimately relented with a sigh. "I know that I'm probably going to regret this..." Asuma leaned over and tried to pull her into a sideways hug. She pulled away with a pout. "Honey, I love you but you smell like fish sauce and I'm wearing _Donna Karen_ right now."

"_Women_." Asuma sighed and looked down at his stained chef coat.

Kurenai turned to Kakashi and handed him a long receipt, "Okay the _Uchiha Insurance Company_. The contact there is Izumo Kamizuki. You're supposed to put the catering out in their conference room, and that's it. Standard tip is forty dollars. And give it all to Kiba."

Kiba grinned and preened a bit.

"What?" Kakashi scratched the back of his head. "No sharing?"

"No." Kurenai said harshly. "Don't be an ass, Kakashi. I should make _you pay_ Kiba something just for having to deal with you in the first place." She seemed to be contemplating the idea, and then shook her head.

"Is that it?" Kakashi asked.

"Good luck." Kurenai said after a moment.

"_Thank-you_." The silver-haired man said with a smile through his mask.

"I was talking to Kiba." The woman said acidly before turning away and walking out of the kitchen into her little office.

Kiba looked a little confused standing there holding all the bags. He chuckled a little nervously.

"What's with you, chuckles?" Kakashi groused, looking at Kiba.

The younger man's eyes bugged out for a moment. He looked suddenly nervous in front of the Boss "N-_nothing_."

"Good." Then Kakashi patted his outfit down. "How do you think I look? Sexy?"

"W-what?" Kiba's face flushed. "What!"

Asuma laughed. "Before you get written up for sexual harassment, Kakashi, maybe you should think before you ask our young employees if you look sexy?"

Kakashi turned and looked at Asuma and then back at Kiba who was still blushing. The other chefs on the line who had overheard were now laughing at the situation. Anko, Gai, Genma, and Aoba all laughing at Kiba's humiliation.

"Fine, Asuma, do you think this outfit is attractive enough for my trip?" Kakashi asked.

"Are you planning on buying some _insurance_, Kakashi?" Genma teased, tossing ingredients in one of the large woks that lined the wall. He pulled a ladle and dipped it into a liquid and added some into the wok, then added it and stirred, then looked over at the obviously scowling Kakashi, even through the mask. Genma laughed. And stirred the ingredients together in the wok, the flames licking the bottom of pot as he flicked wok one-handed deftly.

"Maybe you should put on a clean chef's coat?" Anko suggested helpfully. "The one you're wearing has something green on it. Green tea? Miso? Fish guts?"

Kakashi leaned down and sniffed the fabric. "_Wasabi_." Still it was a good suggestion. He didn't think it would impress the lovely Iruka to have wasabi on his shirt.

_Umino Iruka. _

Just thinking about him made him happy. He couldn't believe his luck! The man...he was very attractive, witty and he was the editor of _Icha Icha Paradise!_ He knew who the man was the minute he heard the man's name, of course. He read every single one of the books. They were so well written! So witty and funny! Well, except there were sometimes these were oddly placed smut scenes that didn't really seem to jive with the story, but maybe that wasn't the beautiful, sassy Umino Iruka's fault. He would go over there today, tell him that he was his number one fan, and they would make mad passionate love right there in his office. He was sure of it.

Kakashi changed into a clean chef's coat, picked up the receipt and then trudged across the alleyway to UIC. They knocked on the backdoor until someone let them in a few minutes later. A very tall man with white hair pulled back in a long pony hail opened the door.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked rudely until he saw the bags in Kiba's arms. "Hey is that lunch?"

Kakashi frowned. "Yes, this is the delivery from ANBU. The contact is for..." He looked down at the receipt in his hand. "_Izumo Kamizuki_."

"Yeah, c'mon we're starving already." The man said holding the door open.

Kiba and Kakashi walked through the open doorway and followed the tall man. They walked down a few long corridors and past long rows of cubicles. The place smelled like an office building. It was sterile and boring. Although there were a few very pieces of art that were very nice. There was vague classical music in the background but the predominate noise was the click-clack of so many fingers on keyboards. Finally the man led them to a large, spacious conference room with a huge oval table surrounded by leather swivel office chairs. A bold piece of art hung on the wall in bold splashes of red and black.

"Okay, you can set up in here. I'll tell Izumo you're here." The man stated briskly and then left.

"He was rather rude." Kakashi said and set the bags down on the table.

"_Shh!_" Kiba said holding his finger up to his mouth.

"What?" Kakashi looked at the younger man.

"We don't bad mouth the clients until afterwards...!" Kiba whispered conspiratorially.

Kakashi laughed, wondering if Kurenai had taught him that.

Just then, he heard the rude man talking to someone in the next room. Talking to someone who made Kakashi's head snap up. He looked up and realized he could see into the room next door. The way the conference room was set up; there was a small narrow, glass window from the conference room into the office next door. Kakashi and Kiba stood and stared while they listened in.

Umino Iruka was in the next room, Kakashi thought to himself gleefully! He was talking to that rude man who had led them to the conference room.

"_Here, Iruka." The rude man held out a mug to Iruka. _

_Iruka took the mug and then looked down into the mug with a forlorn expression. _

"_You're sick and disgusting." Iruka stated._

"_What?" The rude man looked hurt. _

"_You're perverse." Iruka said. _

"_What?"_

"_It's not right." Iruka explained, wiggling the mug. _

"_What goddamnit!" The rude man put his hands on hips. _

"_It's not natural!" Iruka exclaimed. _

"_What the fuck!" The rude man looked like he was close to hyperventilating. _

"_It's against the order of nature." Iruka pointed to his mug again._

"_What the motherfuck!" The rude man said, tugging on his hair in exasperation. _

"_There is something the matter with you, Hidan. I can see it in your eyes. Violet is not natural." Iruka said playfully almost. _

"_What the goddamn, motherfucking hell are you talking about?" Hidan said roughly. _

"_Tea, I'm talking about tea." Iruka exclaimed. He shook the mug. _

"_Tea?" Hidan looked utterly confused. _

"_I only drink coffee, but thank-you for the effort, I guess?" Iruka said. _

"_You know, Iruka, you're kind of a freak." Hidan stated. _

"_Is that some sort of a joke?"_

"_Fuck - No, I think freaks are kinda hot. It's a compliment. Wanna go to the copy room and make out?" Hidan made a move like he was going to try and go around Iruka's desk to embrace the other man but Iruka hastily moved to put his hand up. _

"_You know what, Hidan, please don't." Iruka stated. _

"_What?"_

"_What? Why the fuck not?" Hidan whined. "You seemed to enjoy it when you fucked me at the Christmas party last year..." _

"_Because unless you're hiding coffee in your pants, I don't care about anything else you've got down there." Iruka stated, his voice leaving no room for argument. _

"_Cold, Umino, cold." Hidan crossed his arms over his chest. "Is this because you're my Boss now? Because that could totally be really kinky." _

"_Yes, I'm technically your Boss, but that's not the only reason. Besides, I thought Shikamaru was keeping you buried up to your neck in paperwork?" _

"_Yeah, that fucker." Hidan scowled. "Thinks he's so smart!" _

"_You like the paperwork, Hidan...admit it!"_

"_I do, I do." The white-haired man smiled then looked at Iruka. "By the way...I know you've got a crush on Uchiha-san..."_

_Iruka flushed. "What makes you say that, Hidan?" _

"_You were the drunken one at the party, not me, which is why you fucked me in the first place." _

"_Stupid fucking White Russians!" Iruka cursed loudly. _

"_Why don't you agree to date me?" Hidan wheedled. "It'll make Uchiha-san jealous! C'mon it's good plan!"_

"_It's a horrible plan, Hidan. Uchiha-san would not be jealous of you. You're a subordinate, so I don't think it would work." _

_Iruka groaned and ran a hand through his hair. He looked down at the mug in his hands, as if wishing it were anything but tea. _

"_Just try the fucking tea!" Hidan suggested. _

"_Fine, fine." Iruka relented and sipped the tea tentatively. He made a face. Then gagged slightly. _

"_So, how the fuck is it?" Hidan asked. _

"_Well, it's not coffee." Iruka stated obtusely. _

"_You're such a bitch." The white-haired man pouted. "Are you going to date me?" _

"_No." Iruka said. "And take away your nasty tea." _

"_Can I have a hand job?" _

"_Goodbye Hidan." Iruka waved him bye. _

Kakashi turned around, realizing many things at once. First of all, he was probably not going to have sex in the office with his Iruka today. Secondly, he hated this Hidan person. Thirdly, he hated this Uchiha-san person.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop, Kakashi." Kiba said in a bossy tone of voice.

Kakashi also realized he didn't really like this Kiba person. Why had he hired him? Oh yeah, he was pretty good at being a busboy and washing dishes and Kurenai had probably hired him. And he _was_ a dog person.

"I'll give you a hundred bucks if you go ask the receptionist who Uchiha-san is." Kakashi said. "And point him out to me." He handed the money over and Kiba nodded immediately and left the conference room.

Kiba came back a few minutes later stating he inquired with a snotty pink-haired receptionist who wouldn't shut up about how amazing _Uchiha-san_ was. Then he pointed the man out to Kakashi. He was a surprisingly young looking-man who looked around Kiba's age, which was around twenty. He was slender with shaggy black hair that was, and in Kakashi's impression overly-styled. The man was wearing a very trendy pinstriped three-piece suit and a pink shirt with a pink and grey tie. He was a very attractive young man. This Uchiha-san walked into an office that said _Sasuke Uchiha_, co-manager.

Kakashi was a little confused. The man was much younger than Iruka. He wouldn't have taken Iruka for someone to normally have a crush on a younger man? But he supposed the young man was good looking if you liked that young, almost-girlish pretty-boy thing. He felt himself pouting behind his mask.

"Ah, I see the food is all ready for us?" Someone was asking.

Kakashi turned around.

Two men were standing. One with straight hair reached forward to pick up the receipt. "I'm Izumo Kamizuki. I called in the order."

"Yeah, that's everything." Kiba said. "Enjoy guys."

"Uhh, yeah." Kakashi said, saluting the two guys. He had never been on a delivery before, and frankly he always felt a little awkward around people. He really wished he could pull a book out, but if it got back to Kurenai that he'd pulled his porn out on the delivery, he would never live it down. Besides, he was trying to make a good impression for the lovely Iruka. He scratched the back of his head. "Err..._enjoy_."

The bushy haired guy looked a little thunderstruck. "Can...I have an autograph?"

Kakashi nodded, taking it in stride. Ever since he had appeared on _The Food Network_, this had started happening more frequently. "Actually, just come over sometime to dinner on the house, ne?"

The two men looked a little surprised. "Really?"

"What's your name?" Kakashi asked the bushy haired guy.

"_Kotetsu Hagane_." The man said, blinking.

"Just come by and give your name to Kurenai – she's always at the front." Kakashi smiled slightly. "No problem."

Kiba was giving Kakashi glares over the table and indicating with his head that he wanted to leave, that they were obviously overstaying they're welcome. Kakashi sighed and followed the young man to the door, putting his hands in his pockets. The younger man started walking in one direction, but Kakashi turned in the other direction, walking nonchalantly past Iruka's office and he spied the man sitting in there.

"Yo!" Kakashi said in an informal way, pretending to be surprised. "_Hello again_."

He glared at Kiba when the young man rolled his eyes.

"Just go do that errand I told you about, okay?" Kakashi ordered the young man and Kiba took off without having to be told twice.

Iruka looked at him suspiciously for a moment. "Oh that's right Izumo was ordering from ANBU for lunch today. How _nice_ of you to bring that over personally."

"Well, it was the least I could do." Kakashi smiled genially.

"Why do you wear a mask, _really_?" Iruka asked bluntly.

"Err...it's a painful memory, but I lost my lips in a tragic dishwasher accident when I was four." Kakashi grinned and his one eye curved up in a happy smile.

Iruka laughed and stood up. Then he moved around to the front of his desk, and leaned against the back of it and started at Kakashi. "That is the _stupidest_ thing I've never heard."

"Why did you need catering today?" Kakashi asked, changing the subject.

"Big wigs here from our home office." Iruka shrugged. "So we order in and have a staff meeting during lunch. It's all dreadfully boring. And I don't have any coffee for it. Very tragic."

Kakashi nodded, and switched topics again. To one that he had been thinking about all day.

"I know who you are and I think you're very talented." Kakashi said, suddenly feeling rather shy.

"Huh?" Iruka scratched the scar on the bridge of his nose. He looked very confused.

Kakashi looked into the liquid chocolate eyes of Iruka and wanted to pull this man into his arms. He wanted to tell him that the words that he wrote moved him breathless. But instead he found himself just blinking and staring stupidly at Iruka and just wondering if this man's dark brown hair was as soft as it looked and what it looked like when it wasn't pulled up in a ponytail.

"You're Umino Iruka." Kakashi paused. "_The editor_."

"Oh my god. That's right; you're the pervert who reads _Icha Icha Paradise_!" Iruka rubbed his forehead.

Kakashi noticed out of the corner of his eye that Sasuke Uchiha was walking this way – it was the perfect opportunity! He would take up that Hidan person's suggestion and make that young, prissy _Uchiha-san_ jealous and Iruka would be pleased! It would be like a plot worthy of an Icha Icha novel-! He wasn't going to let it pass him by! He pushed his facemask down and Iruka was staring at his face with a confused and stunned expression. Kakashi leaned forward and put his hands on Iruka's expensive business suit lapels. He tilted his head and mashing their lips together.

Both men's eyes were open for the kiss – a little stunned. Kakashi's stunned because he hadn't quite expected to be _so amazing_. Iruka because he hadn't been expecting it _at all_. The tanned man looked a little shell-shocked, to be honest, but he didn't push him away. Not right then or several awkwardly long seconds later, so Kakashi leaned in again, this time with a little more insistence. He tilted his head more, taking Iruka's bottom lip between his, and suddenly, hands latched heavily onto the other man's hair, wanting to feel it. And it _was_ as soft as it looked. He proceeded to kiss the man silly, a clash of tongues and teeth and was reaching up to try completely undo the man's pony tail when polite cough stopped him.

"Hn." A man coughed politely behind Kakashi.

He turned around, pushing his facemask back up into place.

Sasuke was standing there looking cool and smirking. Kakashi couldn't completely bring himself to hate the younger man in that moment. It may have been because he had just kissed Iruka and he his lips were still tingling from it or that upon closer inspection, this 'Sasuke' person looked even younger. Iruka couldn't possibly like some pretty boy like that. Seriously he had _gel_ in his hair. Kakashi was pretty sure that Pakkun was older than this kid.

"_Uchiha-san_ I presume?" Kakashi said impertinently, enjoying Iruka's blushing discomfiture.

"Hn?" The man surprised for a moment and arched an elegant eyebrow, and then _dismissed_ him. The young man smirked and addressed Iruka directly.

"Iruka, it is not proper to...dally about with the hired help during business hours." Sasuke looked at Iruka briefly. Then looked back down to the blackberry in his hands.

Kakashi pointed a finger angrily at this Sasuke Uchiha.

"My name is Hatake Kakashi." He stood up a little. "I'm not just the hired help, kid. I own ANBU and I'm dating Iruka."

Iruka looked like he wanted to protest but just then Kiba ran back into the room, bringing a vente Starbucks with him. Kakashi took the coffee from him and handed it to Iruka who looked at him with a look akin to wonder.

"Coffee!" Iruka cried out happily. "Thank-you, Kakashi."

"The staff meeting starts in less than five minutes, Iruka." Sasuke declared and then added. "And I'm texting _Dobe_ about this."

Kakashi turned back towards Iruka who was licking the lid of the drink where some of his coffee had dripped out. Now that was nice to watch, Kakashi thought to himself.

"I'll be right there, Sasuke." Iruka said.

Sasuke grinned slyly and then left the office, back to staring at his blackberry.

Iruka's iPhone immediately starting ringing. The tanned man pulled the phone out of his pocket, looked at who was calling, then proceeded to ignore it and cursed under his breath. He pushed tapped the screen with his finger which forced it to drop to voice mail.

"So, did you want to go out tonight, Iruka?" Kakashi asked with a smile.

Iruka was about to answer when his cell phone went off _again_. The brown haired man looked down at his phone in resignation.

"Are you going to answer your cell phone?" Kakashi inquired curiously.

"We're not _really_ dating, Kakashi." The Iruka frowned. "And no, I'm not going to pick it up. It's just _Naruto_ anyway."

"What?" Kakashi said. "Why not? Sasuke thinks we are."

"Sasuke couldn't care less." Iruka waved his hand dismissively.

"So, did you want to dinner tonight at ANBU? I'll be on my best behavior."

"You're ridiculous."

"You should come. Bring Naruto."

Iruka glared.

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Too soon? _Too soon_."

"Maybe." Iruka considered. "Does your restaurant serve ramen?"

"Ramen? Maa...ANBU is a _classy_ place, Iruka." Kakashi looked mildly offended. "We're a three-star rated Michelin restaurant. I have won James Beard Awards. I have had been on the Food Network. I..." His voice trailed off when he realized Iruka's eyes were glazed over.

Iruka shrugged and made a face. "What's wrong with ramen? It's one of Naruto and I's favorite food."

"I'll wear you down eventually." Kakashi paused. "Who is this _Naruto_ person anyways? Should I be jealous?"

"He's my brother." Iruka glared again, drinking his coffee. "And you're insane."

For a small moment, Kakashi felt a jolt of happiness that this Naruto person was just his brother. He smiled happily and cocked his head. "Or I'm just _that_ sane, Iruka?"

"Do you lie awake nights coming up with things to silly things to say?" Iruka snorted and reached over to pick up a few files on his desk as he started to walk out of the office. Kakashi followed.

Kakashi leered. "No, but I do think about you."

Iruka gave him a disgusted look and muttered under his breath. "_Hentai_."

"What no goodbye kiss?" Kakashi teased.

The tanned man blushed quite prettily, obviously remembering their kiss from before that he had eagerly participated in. His mouth compressed in a flat line and he breathed out of his nose, eyes glittering dangerously.

"We're not really dating!" Iruka said roughly. He started to walk away, but paused. "But...thank-you for the coffee."


	3. Chapter 3: Iruka's Bad Day

**Chapter Three – Iruka's Bad Day**

_Reason #3 – Shark Attack_

Iruka sat in the meeting and listened to Kakazu-san drone on about corporate earnings for fifteen minutes. Really, the man was quite boring. Accounting was just _not_ that interesting, Iruka thought to himself as he glanced down at a text message from Naruto. He shouldn't be texting during a meeting. But honestly, Kakazu-san was so tedious; the text messages were the only thing keeping him awake.

"_Our corporate assets for the third quarter are up. The inventory, bank accounts, accounts receivable..."_ Kakazu-san's voice became part of the background noise as he continued to ramble on about more unintelligible accounting nonsense about their quarterly report. He pulled up some slides on the overhead that went along with his power point presentation. Kakazu's dimming the lights did not help putting Iruka into even more of a sleepy-state.

Iruka tuned the man out and absently reached up and touched his lips. Iruka still couldn't believe that old man had kissed him! Well, he amended; the man wasn't _really_ old, despite his unusual silver hair. And, he couldn't get over his shock but he had glimpsed at his face momentarily as he had pulled down his ridiculous face mask – the man was surprisingly attractive. Not _model_ attractive, but there wasn't anything wrong with his face. Which for some reason served only to annoy him further. Why the hell did he wear such a ridiculous mask in the first place? And then give such ludicrous reasons for wearing it? Ninja, _indeed_. Tragic dishwasher accident–ha! And then he had told Sasuke that they were dating, what game was he playing? Iruka sighed as he felt his iPhone vibrate.

_[beginning of transcript of Iruka's text messages]_

Naruto: teme told me some hentai old man was molesting u!

Iruka: It was just a kiss.

Naruto: so u admit it!

Naruto: who is this old baka?

Iruka: I'm in a meeting.

Naruto: hope u r using protection

Iruka: Shouldn't you be in class, Naruto?

Sasuke: Shouldn't you be paying attention to Kakazu?

Naruto: is kakazu the hentai that is sucking irukas face?

Iruka: God no!

Sasuke: That's a disturbing mental image, Dobe.

Naruto: teme!

Iruka: Seriously, We're busy.

Naruto: not so busy u r txtng me bro

Naruto: so who the hentai?

Iruka: Stop saying hentai-!

Naruto: ashamed of something bro?

Iruka: No, damnit, you're just overusing the word.

Iruka: And I'm busy.

Naruto: when do i get 2 meet the hentai?

Iruka: I don't know. Maybe tonight.

Naruto: hentai moves fast.

Iruka: Naruto!

Naruto: i'm just saying. fast like lightening.

Sasuke: Dobe, we are in a meeting. Big brother is giving Iruka pointed looks.

Iruka: Really?

_[end of transcript of Iruka's text messages]_

Iruka sat his phone down and glanced across the table at Sasuke, who just smirked. He then looked casually over at Uchiha Itachi, who indeed, _was_ giving him a pointed look. Oh, crap. Iruka smiled slightly and squashed down the flutter in his stomach. He hoped if anyone asked he could pretend those text messages had been work-related. And he hoped that he wasn't called on to answer any questions on what Kakazu-san had just been blathering on about for the past fifteen minutes. Iruka glanced down at the power-point outline that accompanied Kakazu's presentation. Iruka flipped through the pages, hoping to absorb some of the information in case anyone asked him anything. That would just be his luck.

The sole largest owner of the most share of stock in the _Uchiha Insurance Company_, Uchiha Itachi, sat at the head of the conference table and looked very interested in Kakazu's accounting presentation, as Iruka surreptitiously studied the man. He himself set the paperwork down with a sigh, and picked up a plate of the lunch food that Hinata had brought over for him when he had sat down.

Iruka vividly remembered the first time he had met Uchiha Itachi. He had been working for the _Uchiha Insurance Company_ for about a year and was going to the company's gym at nights. He was sitting in one of the pool's jacuzzi after swimming laps and he had closed his eyes to relax. He had dozed off and jolted awake when someone stepped into the jacuzzi; jostling the water. Iruka's eyes had flown open wide - not in alarm - more like that sleepy drowsy state where you almost think you're stilly asleep and dreaming. Especially because this...man was dripping wet from the pool...with a perfect body and long dark hair...getting into his jacuzzi. He had just blinked at him owlishly for what felt like minutes. Feeling exceptionally gauche for having been caught sleeping. And this sexy god of a man was climbing into the jacuzzi in front of him.

"_Don't you work for me?" The man had said in a soft voice. He had dark charcoal eyes. _

"_I don't know." Iruka blinked rapidly, feeling even stupider by the moment. "Who are you?"_

_The man studied him for a moment, and then smiled slightly. "Uchiha Itachi."_

_Iruka's eyes widened. "Uchiha-san, I'm sorry. We work on different floors and we've never been introduced..."_

_Itachi had shrugged and the next week Iruka had been promoted; his crush had begun as simple as that. Not that the man had ever encouraged it or ever gave any indication that he felt anything other than a professional respect towards him. In fact, Iruka wasn't even sure if the man ever dated – anyone. He wasn't called 'The Cold Fish' by Business Week for nothing. _

"Iruka?" Sasuke asked.

"Huh?" Iruka said absently looking down at the plate of food, head still lost to his musings. He picked up his chopsticks and decided to try some of the food. It _did_ look pretty good.

"Umino-san." Itachi asked calmly from the head of the table, tapping his fingers against the wood. The man arched one elegant dark eyebrow. It was one his most impassioned, annoyed face. Itachi didn't really do emotions like normal people. "Would you care to share your thoughts?"

Iruka flushed hotly; considering that his thoughts had recently been about Itachi in a jacuzzi. No he did _not_ want to share them with the group.

Iruka glanced around at the group of upper management gathered around the conference table. Hidan was coughing lightly into his fist. Sasuke was smirking. Shikamaru looked half-sleep. Izumo and Kotetsu looked like they were doodling. Choji was too into the lunch to be paying any attention. Neji was glaring at him, probably thinking he was wasting his time. Konan was staring at her nails.

"Err..._umeboshi_." Iruka said pointing to his plate weakly in the face of Itachi's quirked eyebrow. He was so stupid. Why hadn't he at least said something that he'd just read about in Kakazu's accounting presentation. Umeboshi, really? Would Itachi notice if he crawled under the conference table?

"Umeboshi?" Itachi repeated, a frown of confusion appearing on his face.

"He's probably thinking about his date tonight." Sasuke supplied; an easy smirk on his face. He smoothed down his tie and looked over at Iruka. "Right, Iruka?"

Iruka shot a glance over at Sasuke and glared. "Well I-"

"What the fuck does his date have to do with pickled plums?" Hidan interrupted. "Is he dating an old guy?"

"Damnit Hidan!" Iruka turned to growl at Hidan. "That's none of your damn business."

"Awfully touchy, Umino..." Neji stated.

"It's just..._private_." Iruka seethed, turning back to glare at Sasuke, who was grinning at him.

"He's dating someone very rich and famous actually." Sasuke stated.

Iruka frowned slightly. Was Kakashi rich and famous? He didn't even know. It's not like he cared about such things. Actually he didn't really know anything about Kakashi. Except he irritated he heck out of him. And he was a good kisser. But that was what first dates were for. To learn about people.

"Really? Do tell." Konan asked, leaning forward.

"Sasuke." Iruka frowned. "That's enough."

"Oh, don't be shy now, Iruka. I _did_ catch you two making out earlier in your office." Sasuke wagged his finger at him. Iruka blushed and looked away, unfortunately his eye caught Itachi's in the process. The man was looking at him curiously. Iruka had the oddest feeling; like being examined under a microscope by Itachi. He felt exposed. He wanted to squirm but he didn't. After a moment he looked away and felt raw. His emotions were upheaval.

"So, who is it?" Konan asked, reaching up to finger the flower barrette in her hair.

"_Hatake Kakashi_." Sasuke smiled.

"The chef!" Kotetsu exclaimed. "We met him earlier today. He was so cool!"

Iruka covered his face, knowing it was flushing red.

"Have you seen him on Food Network?" Izumo asked him.

"_No_." Iruka said feebly.

"What?" Kotetsu said excitedly. "But-!"

"This isn't that exciting, honestly. Don't we have a meeting to get back to?" Iruka suggested. He looked over Kakazu's accounting presentation. "Kakazu-san...tell me about your presentation..._again_." He reached up to scratch at the scar on his nose.

"No you wanted to talk about _umeboshi_." Hidan said crossing his arms with a pout.

"Jealous much?" Shikamaru said with a laugh.

"I thought you were sleeping." Hidan sighed.

"All of this troublesome talk of pickled prunes woke me up." Shikamaru opened his eyes. "Now I want to _eat_ some umeboshi." He dropped a piece of umeboshi in his mouth. "And I _certainly_ don't want to hear Kakazu-san bore us with accounting statistics again!"

Thankfully the meeting broke up for a brief break right around that point and Iruka retreated to the relative quiet of his office. He sat in the calm and privacy for all of two minutes before his cell phone was vibrating in his pocket. He reached down and pulled it out.

_[beginning of transcript of Iruka's text messages]_

Naruto: so r u seeing this hentai tonite?

Iruka: I don't know.

Naruto: what's his name?

Iruka: I thought you were happy referring to him as old man hentai?

Sasuke: Hatake Kakashi.

Iruka: Don't help, Sasuke. I'm mad at you.

Naruto: what did teme do?

Iruka: Embarrassed me in front of everybody.

Naruto: u write porn with dad, bro. i don't no how u embarrass so easy.

Sasuke: He's pissed because Big Brother was there.

Naruto: u need to get over that.

Iruka: Shut up.

Naruto: wow, this guy is famous!

Naruto: whats with the face mask?

Naruto: and the eye patch?

Naruto: does he have buck teeth?

Naruto: according to his wikipedia page its b/c of a shark attack. is that true?

Iruka: Go away, Naruto.

Naruto: hey, he owns chidori microwaves. can you get me 1?

Iruka: I'm not talking to you anymore.

Sasuke: I didn't know that. Can you get me one, too?

Iruka: I'm not discussing this with either of you.

Naruto: teme, u r a gazillionare!

Sasuke: Dobe, there is no such thing.

Naruto: teme, u no what i mean

Sasuke: Big Brother has me on a tight budget.

Naruto: aww...no mani-pedis's 4 teme this week?

Iruka: Goodbye, both of you.

_[end of transcript of Iruka's text messages]_

Iruka tossed his cell phone on his desk and looked over at his actual phone on his desk. He had a voice mail. He picked up the handset and dialed in. He waited for the beep, and then listened for the message. He flushed when he heard a familiar voice.

"_Yo! This is Kakashi. You know, from earlier. You kissed me. We're dating? That should jog your memory. Anyways, why don't you come by ANBU around 8pm, okay? See you then." _

_Iruka could hear the clatter of background noise and then Kakashi talking to someone in the background._

'_Genma, how do I turn this thing off?' Kakashi said._

'_Push the button below the button that says cancel.' Genma said. 'It's not hard.'_

'_That doesn't make sense.' Kakashi complained._

'_Then get your own phone.' Genma retorted. _

_There was a loud beep but the phone didn't hang up. _

'_You didn't push the right button.' Genma said. 'I still can't believe you don't own a cell phone-'_

_Then the voices were cut off as apparently this Genma person had pushed the right button. _

Iruka was smiling at the interchange. Iruka dialed '7' to delete the voice message, looking up as someone entered his office. He sat up a little straighter in his chair.

"Hello Uchiha-san." Iruka said, blushing slightly as he fidgeted. He dropped the phone back into the cradle. There were no more voice messages. "How can I help you?"

Itachi sat in the chair across from Iruka and handed him a large file. He opened it and looked up in surprise.

"I'm giving you the Tsunade account." Itachi stated.

Iruka's eyebrows shot up in surprise. This was one of the most prestigious accounts in the company. Tsunade was the mayor of Konoha. Itachi himself normally handled this account.

"Hai, Uchiha-san." Iruka nodded and looked through the first few papers in the file.

"I will, of course, be handling it with you." Itachi said smoothly. "It will be a joint project."

Iruka's cell phone started vibrating and he tamped down his annoyance. He glanced over at the message – it was Naruto again asking another silly question about why Kakashi wore a mask. Iruka happened to glance up and caught a frown on Itachi's perfect face.

"I'm sorry, Uchiha-san." Iruka gestured towards his phone and pocketed it without responding to Naruto.

"Is that..._Hatake-san_?" Itachi said, frowning.

Iruka blinked at his enigmatic boss in confusion. "Do you know him?"

Itachi shrugged and looked away. "I know _of_ him. We belong to the same country club."

He couldn't help himself. Iruka laughed. He just couldn't picture Kakashi golfing or sipping mint juleps or doing anything remotely country-club like.

"What?" Itachi said, reaching up to make sure his long black hair was still in his perfect pony tail. It was.

"I'm sorry, Uchiha-san." Iruka laughed again. "I'm just thinking imaging Kakashi at a country club..._golfing_."

Itachi's lips twitched slightly. "Well, all he usually does is sit in the great room reading."

"Probably porn." Iruka muttered. "_Hentai_."

"Excuse me?" Itachi said looking surprised.

Iruka's hand shot up to his mouth. What had he just said aloud? In front of _Uchiha Itachi!_ Oh, god he was mortified. Iruka's cell phone started vibrating again in his pocket again. He pulled it out and looked at it to cover up his discomfiture. He had not just _porn_ and _hentai_ in front of Itachi-!

_[beginning of transcript of Iruka's text messages]_

Naruto: does the hentai have scars all over his face?

Iruka: Stop asking.

Iruka: We're going to dinner with Kakashi tonight at 8pm.

Naruto: nani?

Iruka: Just be home, okay? Sasuke, you're coming, too.

Sasuke: Do I get a choice?

Iruka: No, it's a double date.

Sasuke: Fine, but I'm driving.

Naruto: teme!

_[end of transcript of Iruka's text messages]_

Iruka looked up and smiled at Itachi who was looking on with his detached mildly-curious face. Over the years working with the man in Amegakure Iruka had learned to navigate the often bland but subtle differences between Itachi's frowns and detached expressions. This face he was giving him stated that Itachi was curious but slightly bored. Fuck, he needed a hobby, Iruka thought to himself.

"Uchiha-san; was just texting Sasuke." Iruka explained.

"Oh?" Itachi arched an eyebrow. "What did little brother want?"

Just then, Sasuke himself popped his head in Iruka's office.

"Iruka..." Sasuke said looking down at his own cell phone. "I just talked to Naruto. I'll pick you up at 7:45pm, okay?"

Iruka nodded. "That's fine."

"Where are you going?" Itachi asked, shifting his body to look at Sasuke.

"Double date at ANBU." Sasuke supplied as he pocketed his blackberry and waved in goodbye. "Later, I've got a meeting with the IT department."

Itachi stood. "Well talk tomorrow about the Tsunade account. Do you have time in your schedule for a morning meeting? Do you have time to meet with me at 9am? Tsunade will be here tomorrow afternoon and we need to be ready for her."

He nodded and glanced through at his Outlook computer program where he and Hinata kept track of his scheduled meetings. Iruka didn't see any conflicting appointments. "No, that's fine Uchiha-san."

Iruka was about to thank Itachi for giving him this opportunity when he was interrupted.

Over the loudspeaker, he heard the main _Uchiha Insurance Company_ receptionist, Haruno Sakura; say over the loud speaker, "Umino Iruka – would you please come to the front desk? Thank-you!"

"Hn." Itachi said.

He shrugged at Itachi and picked up his cell phone and pocketed it. Iruka didn't know what Sakura wanted but as co-manager it was probably some inane issue or another. The girl usually called him up there whenever there was a problem and she didn't want to look stupid. She would _never_ ask Sasuke for help because she was utterly terrified of looking stupid in front of Sasuke, because the poor girl had a awful crush on him. Iruka didn't have the heart to tell her that he was dating Naruto. She would find out eventually. He left the Itachi in his office and walked down the corridor to the front reception desk area.

"Yes, Sakura?" Iruka asked resignedly.

There was an odd red-headed green-eyed man wearing a rumpled white button-down shirt and black pants standing in the reception area. He was holding a tool-box. The man had a small tattoo on his forehead. He had a nametag on his shirt that said: 'Hello my name is Gaara'.

Iruka looked questioningly back at Sakura.

She looked anxious; Sakura was twisting a manicured finger around her pink hair. "This is the copy-machine repairman. Neji called them two days ago...apparently the copy machine is missing a part? It had to be ordered from Suna?"

Iruka nodded and held a hand out towards the repairman. "Ohayo, I'm Umino Iruka, the co-manager. How are you?"

The repair man grunted, "Where is your copy machine?"

Iruka blinked. "Um, it's in the back. I'll show you."

He started walking and the red-head man followed him, apparently not knowing the concept of personal space. What a weird man! He was right behind him. Finally they got the copy room and he pointed out the broken copy machine.

"I'm not really sure what's wrong with it, Gaara." Iruka stated. "I'm not the one who called in the repair order. Let me try and get a hold of Neji."

Gaara wasn't really paying attention. He was already lifting the lid on the copy machine and pulling levers and opening the trays.

Iruka pulled his cell phone out and dialed Neji's cell number. The man didn't answer but he left him a message.

"I left the head of the IT department a message, Gaara. He should come soon." Iruka stated as he glanced over.

The repairman had taken the drum out of the machine and was wiping things down. He had a can of air out and blowing into the machine. He had a flashlight out and was on his hands and knees looking into the machine as well. Iruka had no idea about the repair and maintenance of copy machines.

"Do you need my help?" Iruka offered politely.

"No." Gaara grunted.

"What is wrong with the machine?" He asked idly. Iruka was about to leave the man so he could go get some work done before the next round of staff meetings scheduled for that afternoon.

"I think someone had _sex_ on the copier." Gaara said, sitting up. He sounded a little disgusted.

"Huh?" Iruka blinked and looked at the red-headed man. What was he talking about?

The repairman reached into his toolbox and got a pair of pliers. Then he used the pliers to pick up a used condom that was stuck between the drum and the rollers inside the copy machine. _Oh, disgusting!_ How had that even gotten in there-?

Gaara held the used condom up between the pliers and wiggled it in Iruka's face.

"What does pain feel like?" Gaara asked in his monotonous voice.

Iruka stuttered, "_W-what!_" He blushed furiously.

"What sort of kinky things goes on in your office, Umino-san?" Gaara inquired as he tossed the condom in the waste paper basket. "The peacefulness of this office is under an illusion – it is not true serenity. There is a seedy underbelly!"

Iruka had no idea what to say to the man. He reached up and scratched at the scar on his nose. "Well, I'm sorry about that. Uh...we'll get someone in to clean it out for you before you continue to work on it."

"No, I will take care of the copier. It is under warranty after all." Gaara grunted and turned back to the copier.

Just then Lee walked by the copy room and Iruka pulled the younger man into the small space. Saved-!

"Hey, _Lee_, can you help this repairman, Gaara if he needs anything? I have some reports to work on..." Iruka explained hastily and exited the room.

"Sure, Umino-san." Lee said excitedly. "I'm always happy to help!"

As Iruka left he could hear Lee talking to the repair man.

"_So, Gaara...! Have you ever had sex on a copier? It's very youthful and invigorating!" Lee suggested eagerly. _

_The only response Iruka could hear was a growl. He wasn't sure if that was an affirmative response or negative. _

_..._

_A/N: Please Review ^_^_

_Hope you enjoyed the chapter. The song I listened to while writing it was "Like a Boss" by The Lonely Island. It's hilarious. If you haven't heard it, go to YouTube and watch the music video. SO FUNNY-! _

_Next chapter will be up soon-! It will be the double date-! Exciting stuff! And very funny, c'mon, right? _


	4. Chapter 4: Kakashi's Date

**Chapter Four – Kakashi's Date**

_Reason #4 – Flesh Eating Virus_

Kakashi hovered behind the sushi bar looking down at his watch for the fourth time in the past five minutes. He slid a hand down his shirt and made sure it was tucked in right and he didn't have any errant food on it. He was wearing all black, so it wouldn't look right to have some rice sticking to him.

"It's not even eight o'clock yet, Kakashi." Kisame said as he prepared sushi next to him.

He glanced over and watched the man work. There was something soothing in watching the man form rice into neat little piles one after another, smearing it with wasabi and cutting fish. He worked every movement with precision and clarity. It was obvious that he had been doing this for years.

"I know." Kakashi sighed and tried to look uninterested in the front door. He leaned against the bar. "It's not like we planned anything specific."

Kisame gave him a look.

He looked down at his watch again.

Kisame chuckled as he sliced the rich, red tuna into deft slices and topped it onto the formed pieces of rice. He then placed it onto a porcelain plate, making beautiful nigirizushi for a customer. ANBU was very busy tonight. Well, granted it was busy every night.

The restaurant was a study in understated elegance. Dark wooden floors. Blue walls with rice paper fusuma walls, every so often. There were bonsai trees in alcoves leading a tranquil atmosphere as well as porcelain masks hanging on the wall, including the one representing 'Inu'.

Kakashi turned and glanced towards the door and happened to see Iruka walking in with two other people. A tall blond young man a little taller than Iruka but younger than him, and..._Sasuke Uchiha_. He had brought his precious..."Uchiha-san" with him on their date? Kakashi blinked; confusion and jealousy welling up inside him.

He forced his legs to walk over to the threesome and stood awkwardly in front of them. Kakashi really wanted to magically 'poof' into another room but he didn't have that ability. Instead he scratched the back of his head and stared at Iruka.

"Yo." Kakashi said. "You made it."

Iruka smiled warmly, flushing slightly. "Thank-you for inviting us." The man reached up and scratched the scar on the bridge of his nose.

Kakashi wondered if he did that when he was nervous. Iruka had left his hair down for the date. His chestnut hair was longer than he had originally thought.

"This is...?" Kakashi inquired, turning to look at the young blond man. It had to be _Naruto_, but he would be polite and allow Iruka to make the introductions.

The young man stepped forward and thrust out his hand. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and who the hell are you?"

"Naruto!" Iruka chided with an indulgent smile.

Sasuke smirked.

Kakashi shook Naruto's hand. "I'm Hatake Kakashi. And you're Iruka's brother."

Naruto let go of Kakashi's hand after a firm shake then he smiled brightly. "How did you guess?"

"_Underneath the underneath_." Kakashi said as he steered the group towards the awaiting table. He signaled the busboy, _Kiba_, to bring over another place setting since he had not anticipated the dastardly Sasuke Uchiha being there to foil his plans. Kiba hastily moved to comply.

"I told him about you, Naruto." Iruka stated as he stepped up to the table and took off his leather jacket and placed it around the outside of back of one of the chairs. Kakashi took in the site of Iruka in a very nice dark navy shirt and charcoal slacks that accentuated his body nicely.

"So you're the old hentai that was sucking face with bro in his office this morning..." Naruto chuckled as he plopped down into a chair and picked up one of the menus. "Does this place have ramen?"

Kakashi stared at the young man and thought to himself - to put it bluntly, Uzumaki Naruto was a punk.

"Naruto!" Iruka eyes glittered angrily as he sat down across from the younger man. "_Damnit!_"

"Sorry, Iruka." Naruto muttered as he ducked his head slightly then leaned over to tuck on Sasuke's arm, who was still standing. Sasuke allowed the blond to tug on him and looked down at him with an amused expression.

"Teme, they don't have ramen!" Naruto exclaimed.

"I told you they didn't." Iruka sighed in a voice that said it wasn't the first or even third time he had explained it.

Kakashi motioned for Sasuke to sit down. The Uchiha took off his own jacket and they sat down across from each other, giving one another considering looks.

A pleasant man walked over to their table carrying a bottle of wine and showed the bottle to them over his forearm.

"Hello, my name is Yamato and I'm the sommelier here at ANBU. Would you like to try a glass of our _Chateau de la Genaiserie Coteaux du Layon_?"

Iruka smiled up at the wine connoisseur and Kakashi nodded. Yamato began filling up their four glasses half way, then he politely bowed.

"Let me know if you need anything. Your server will be right with you." Yamato bowed again and walked to the next table.

"Are you old enough to drink?" Kakashi asked Naruto.

"My ID says I am." Naruto said cheekily as he picked up the glass and took a gulp then made a face at the taste of the wine.

"If you don't mind, I took the liberty of ordering for us..." Kakashi stated as he signaled to the waiter, Tenten, a young woman with her dark hair piled up in two round buns. She was already walking over to their table with a tray.

"Konbanwa." Tenten smiled. "I'm Tenten and I'll be your server tonight. You're having the chef's tasting menu." She started placing small plates in front of each of them, starting with Kakashi. "This is the amuse bouche. It is a crudo of Tasmanian sea trout with white asparagus, prosciutto, trout roe, and ravigote sauce." She nodded politely and then Yamato was back, standing next to her.

"The wine pairing for the amuse bouche is a _Baumard Cremant Brut_." Yamato stated as he began pouring more wine into different glasses. "Enjoy."

Iruka raised his eyes curiously at the food.

After the waiter and sommelier had left the table, Iruka turned to Kakashi and said, "Thank you for ordering. It looks delicious."

"It looks like cat food." Naruto said, poking at the trout roe with his chopsticks.

"Dobe, sometimes I have no idea why I put up with you." Sasuke rolled his eyes as he elegantly placed his cloth napkin in his lap before eating.

Naruto snickered. "My firm tanned ass?"

A faint blush tinted Sasuke features. "Just eat the _damned_ food."

Kakashi looked back and forth at the interchange and wondered at the relationship between the two of them. Obviously Iruka's brother, Naruto, was having a sexual relationship with Sasuke Uchiha. And Iruka had to know about since they were _blatantly_ referring to it in front of him. And yet Iruka still had a crush this dastardly Sasuke Uchiha? It was very confusing.

"So Uchiha-san, are you Naruto's boyfriend?" Kakashi inquired pulling his mask forward with a finger to slip his chopstick in covertly, taking a quick bite of the sea trout. It was cooked very well. Genma, who was cooking tonight, had done an excellent job.

Sasuke looked at him with a piece of asparagus perched between his chopsticks. "Yes."

"Have you ever realized the Uchiha fan logo looks like a ping pong paddle?" Kakashi stated.

Sasuke dropped the asparagus, his dark eyes narrowing. "_Excuse me_?"

"Is that because your family really likes ping pong?" Kakashi inquired.

Naruto burst out laughing. "Oh man!"

"Kakashi..." Iruka said, trying to alleviate some of the tension.

It didn't help that Naruto continued to laugh at Sasuke.

"It _does_ look like a ping pong paddle!" Naruto said, still laughing as he started to eat the food. "That's awesome. Hey...dontcha think it looks like a ping pong paddle, Iruka?" The blond shoveled a very large bite of trout, asparagus, prosciutto, and the roe in his mouth and then looked in surprise over at Kakashi. "Hey, this cat food isn't half bad!"

Kakashi sighed and nodded. "_Thank-you?"_

"So...have you always been a chef?" Iruka asked graciously, obviously trying to change the subject away from ping pong, cat food and Naruto insulting his date.

Kakashi finished his food with a few more quick bites then repositioned his mask flatly over his face, making sure he hadn't gotten any of the sauce on it. That would've been embarrassing.

He looked up at Iruka and smiled, his one eye curving happily. "No, I was in the military when I was younger."

"Really?" Iruka studied him. "I would never have guessed that."

"Why do you say that?" Kakashi asked him.

Iruka's answer was interrupted by the next course.

Tenten gracefully paused before the table as Kiba picked up their empty plates. She already had their next course on another tray on her arm.

"I hope you enjoyed your amuse bouche. Now we've got a ceviche of shrimp, squid, Hokkaido scallops, octopus, cherry tomato, cucumber, fennel, red onion, yuzu-ceviche sauce." She finished as she began setting the plates out in front of each of the guests.

Yamato was back, bringing another new wine. He took the old wine glasses that they hadn't finished.

"The wine pairing with this ceviche course is a _2007 Dopff Riesling_." Yamato poured a small amount of the white wine in each of the glasses with a deft swirl, a small bow and then he was gone again.

"Old man hentai." Naruto said picking up a piece of octopus with his chopsticks. "Did you even bother to cook this?"

Sasuke snickered from the other side of the table.

"It's _ceviche_." Kakashi stated, and then explained. "It's a seafood dish typically prepared utilizing an enzymatic reaction between fish and citric acid."

"Huh?" Naruto said looking confused.

Sasuke clarified further as he picked up his chopsticks. "Dobe, he means _no_ - it's not cooked in the way you're thinking. It's marinated in lemon juice."

Naruto made a face and began poking at the food again.

Iruka was eating the food with gusto. "It's _delicious_, Kakashi. I've never had cevichebut always wanted to try it_._"

"Yes, it is very good." Sasuke agreed and reached for a sip of the wine. "Your sommelier is very good, too."

Kakashi nodded and waved his hand at the wine. "Yeah...Yamato is good with wine." He turned towards Iruka. "So you were _saying_..."

The tanned man looked confused for a moment as he was trying to recollect his thoughts. The expression of confusion and befuddlement was delectable on the man. Kakashi wanted tackle him right there in the middle of the _ceviche _course. Too bad he didn't have a ping pong paddle to smack Sasuke Uchiha upside the head. The dastardly young man was sitting over there groping Naruto under the table. Right in front of Iruka-! Didn't he care about Iruka's feelings? Maybe he didn't _know_ that Iruka had a crush on him...? It was entirely possible. Iruka certainly didn't act as though he did.

"Oh, that's right. You don't seem the type to be in the Military. You seem really laid back, I guess. No, that's not the right word I'm thinking of..." Iruka seemed to be searching for the right word. He picked reached down to pick up the last cherry tomato on his plate but Sasuke reached over and stabbed it with his own chopstick first.

"Mine!" Sasuke said victoriously, about to take a bite.

Kakashi shot out his hand in a sudden movement; stopping Sasuke's hand that was holding the chopstick from putting the cherry tomato in his mouth.

"Hey, that was Iruka's cherry tomato." Kakashi growled. "You can't just take it his without permission. Shouldn't you be enjoying _Naruto's_ _cherry tomato_?" He hinted.

"Oi!" Naruto yelped. "No one is taking my cherry tomato! It's one of the few things on this plate I recognize."

Iruka looked baffled. "Uh, Kakashi, it's really ok. I didn't mind. Sasuke likes tomatoes."

Kakashi released Sasuke's hand, not wanting to make a scene, and let the young man have the tomato. "We can always have them bring you out some extra tomatoes if you'd like." He finished gruffly.

"That's okay." Sasuke said, but he was giving Kakashi a look, like he knew a secret.

Kakashi squinted his one eye at him.

Kiba the busboy was back, clearing their table deftly with a smile and friendly small talk, and then he was gone. Then Tenten came over with the next course on her tray, setting down the plates gracefully. "I hope you enjoyed the ceviche. This is sautéed Maine scallops with soba gnocchi in a trumpet royale topped with delicate a celery root-parmesan foam." Then she stepped back and Yamato stepped forward with another wine pairing.

"Here we have a 2009 _Champalou Vouvray_, from the Loire Valley in France. It is very fresh, bright acid, light bodied. Plush and round, the palate coats nicely and the right amount of acid is present. Perfect for the scallops." Yamato poured more into fresh glasses. Then both he and Tenten left them to their new course.

Naruto looked at the food and scratched the back of his head. "Foam?"

Kakashi sighed. "Maa...just eat it. The gnocchi are..._sort of_ like ramen." He cringed as he said it.

Iruka was already eating with delight clearly evident on his face. Kakashi contented himself with the fact that Naruto's rude behavior and picky eating habits thankfully did not translate towards his older brother.

"So...why do wear a mask, Cyclops?" Naruto asked as he ate a scallop, peering intently at Kakashi.

Kakashi reached up and touched the fabric of the mask instinctively. "Would you believe me if I told you I had a _flesh eating virus?" _

Iruka, Sasuke and Naruto all turned to him and said "Liar!" in sync.

He chuckled and reached down to pick up one of the gnocchi with his chopsticks, he tucked a finger under the edge of the mask and pulled it out so he could slip his chopstick in and fed himself clandestinely under the mask. They all watched for a moment then went back to their own plates. It was obvious he wasn't going to give a real reason.

"So tell me about your beautiful writing." Kakashi asked, changing the subject. He smiled happily at the lovely Iruka. "How did you get started?"

Naruto choked on the scallop in his mouth. "You mean his porn?"

"They're _sophisticated erotic novels_." Kakashi declared archly.

Iruka blushed and reached up to scratch at the scar on his nose while Naruto howled with laughter.

"No, they're porn!" Naruto accused. "Even _Dad_ calls them that! And he should know!"

"Yes..._well_..." Iruka started to explain, but then Kiba was back taking their plates away.

Kakashi for once cursed his employee's excellent and attentive service. He really wanted to know what Iruka had to say. He tampered down his annoyance while the busboy took away their dishes and then Tenten arrived with the next course.

Tenten smiled at them as she placed the plates before each guest. "I hope everything has been wonderful so far. Here we have a soy-ginger caramel glazed pork belly with a pickled daikon salad and steamed buns. Enjoy and let me know if you need anything."

Yamato walked back over with a red wine this time. "This pairing is a lovely 2007 pinot noir." As he spoke he poured out some in each of their large fresh glasses. "_Domaine Parent Bourgogne_. It's oaky tannin flavor should pair nicely against the sweetness of the glaze on the pork belly."

Then both Yamato and Tenten bowed politely and were off.

"Finally, some _meat!"_ Naruto declared as he stabbed the pork belly with a chopstick viciously and ate it ravenously, as if he hadn't just consumed three previous courses of food.

"So, you were saying, Iruka?" Kakashi inquired.

"Yes." Iruka wiped his mouth clean with his napkin. "Ano, where was I?" The tanned man smiled and looked at him.

Kakashi rested his elbow on the table momentarily and placed his chin in the palm of his hand, watching Iruka.

"Dad bribed you." Naruto supplied, pointing at his brother with a bit a sandwich he had made out of the steamed buns and the pork belly. Naruto seemed to have avoided the pickled daikon salad off his plate altogether. "Remember? He paid for your college."

"You didn't always want to be an author?" Kakashi asked.

"I don't really consider myself a writer." Iruka laughed lightly. "I'm an editor at best...and a babysitter on the worst days. Although I _do_ have a surprisingly good working relationship with Dad."

"Really hentai, bro." Naruto disagreed; mouth full of pork and bun sandwich.

"I have to agree with Naruto on this." Sasuke commented, placing a small bite of daikon in his mouth. "You have a very odd relationship with Jiraiya that defies-"

"Wait...!" Kakashi interrupted Sasuke. "Your _father_ isJiraiya? _The_ _Jiraiya!"_

"That's what I-." Sasuke began.

"Shut up ping pong." Kakashi interrupted the young man, turning to Iruka in surprise.

"Oi!" Naruto laughed. "I'm starting to like brillo pad here."

"Hentai? Cyclops?" Sasuke grumbled as he took a sip of wine. "Brillo pad? You need to pick one and stick with it."

"I can't help it." Naruto sighed. "The old man is ripe for parody."

Iruka blushed as he set his chopsticks down. "Yeah our Dad is _Jiraiya_. It's kind of a long story...maybe one for another time. But suffice to say – he took us in when were young, when we had no where else to go but an orphanage. He gave us a home."

Kakashi was gleefully doing mental cartwheels. The lovely Iruka had stated that he would give him the longer story 'another time'. Could he already planning another date with the cool and hip Kakashi? Damnit he was starting to think like _Gai_ in his inner monologues. He needed to stop hanging around him so much. Did this mean things were going well, despite the dastardly Sasuke Uchiha being there? And regardless of Sasuke's blatant groping of that punk Naruto under the table? He must keep up insulting the overly-hair-gel-wearing young man. His master plan was obviously working!

Kiba was back, taking away their plates efficiently. Then Tenten brought them the second and final entrée course. She smiled charmingly. "Here is a delicious roasted Indiana duck breast with a pan-seared Quebec foie gras and baby turnips, alongside a green bean salad. Enjoy and let me know if I can get you anything."

Yamato smiled. "This wine pairing is a _2005 Navarra Vina Magana_." He poured some for everyone, and then Tenten and Yamato left them to their meal.

"Awesome...!" Naruto said as he plowed in and took a big bite of the duck. He spoke with his mouth half full. "This joint may not have ramen, but it ain't so bad, I guess."

Sasuke snorted breezily. "I'm not sure which is bigger, Naruto...you're head or your mouth."

"Hey!" Naruto complained. Then a devilish look flickered over his features. "That's not what you were saying _last night_..."

The young Uchiha flushed slightly.

"_Naruto!"_ Iruka growled in warning. Then he turned towards Kakashi in a gesture of apology. "You'd never know he was actually a law student, right? And he dreams of being in politics?"

Kakashi was about to retort when he saw a man winding his way through the dining tables toward them. At first he didn't he didn't think twice about it. He _recognized_ him, in an abstract way – like, he knew him, but he could quite place him. He didn't put two and two together until it was already too late. Suddenly the tall dark man was standing between Iruka and Sasuke and he realized why the man looked suddenly so familiar. He looked like an older, better-looking, more self-assured version of Sasuke. Kakashi felt a surge of affection for ping pong at that moment. He squelched it.

_Uchiha Itachi_ that pompous ass from the country club that was always giving him looks when he read his _sophisticated erotic novels_ in the great room. He paid quite an exorbitant membership fee; he could do whatever he wanted there, and if he wanted to sit in the great room and read porn – err _sophisticated erotic novels_ – that was his prerogative. He had looked in the rule book, too. There was no by-law prohibiting it, either. He was sure that was part of what annoyed Uchiha Itachi about it. And why he continued to go.

"_Uchiha-san_." Iruka smiled and blushed furiously up at Itachi. "I'm surprised to see you."

Kakashi frowned underneath his mask. _'Uchiha-san'?_ Could it be? Truthfully, he had never actually heard Iruka refer to Sasuke as '_Uchiha-san'_. And Iruka having a crush on this Uchiha Itachi makes a lot more sense than Sasuke, considering Naruto _is_ dating Sasuke. Damnit, he cursed internally having entrusted a valuable Intel-gathering to missions to Kiba. What had he been thinking? Stupid dog boy! Young Inuzuka was getting demoted tomorrow morning. And no more feeding chicken livers to his dog! Well, maybe that was a _tad_ harsh. No need to punish Akamaru for Kiba's transgressions.

"I was working late at the office, Umino-san." Itachi looked at his Rolex. _Showoff!_ "Just stopped by to pick up some take-out." Itachi held up his bag with the ANBU logo and shook it.

Iruka looked down at his own watch. "You work too late, _Uchiha-san_!"

Itachi smiled ruefully. "I'm just boring I guess."

"Yes, you _are_." Sasuke deadpanned.

"Hello, Little brother." Itachi said. "Fancy meeting you here." The older Uchiha reached over and flicked his younger sibling on the forehead, causing Sasuke to flinch and almost spill wine on his shirt.

"Not really, _Itachi_, considering I told you we'd be here." Sasuke frowned at his brother in obvious annoyance.

"Maa...my bullshit sense is tingling!" Kakashi said, his one eye curved up in a deceptively mild smile. He stared at _Uchiha-san_ now realizing who the true competitor for the fair Iruka's heart truly was – and it wasn't the dastardly ping-pong.

Itachi paused for a moment and then he narrowed his dark eyes at Kakashi. "Hn. Well then."

"Kakashi..." Iruka reproached lightly, his handsome face blushing, as he read up to scratch at his scar.

"You should probably go home then, _Uchida-san_. Since you've had such a long day." Kakashi suggested. "We wouldn't want to keep you up past your bedtime."

Naruto snickered and for once, Kakashi heartily approved of his bad manners.

"Don't forget, _Umino-san_. We have that meeting with me first thing to go over the Tsunade account." Itachi said with slight smile on his face he looked at Iruka.

"Hai. I remember. 9am." Iruka blushed again.

Uchiha Itachi looked over at Kakashi once again with one last smirk in his direction, and then he waved at the group and left the restaurant.

"He's seems..._nice_." Kakashi said, hoping to lead into a conversation about _Uchiha-san_. He wanted Intel about the enemy.

"He's a prick." Naruto disagreed as he finished his plate and pushed it away.

Sasuke grinned, his first real, true smile of the night. It was really quite feral. "I _hate_ my brother." The young man said with vehemence.

Kakashi's eyebrow quirked up at it.

"Oh, Sasuke." Iruka sighed and pushed his own plate away. "You need to stop with the rivalry already. It's not healthy."

Sasuke looked like he wanted to argue but then he relented and took the last sip of the red wine in the glass and set it back down. "I won't quarrel with you tonight, Iruka, but I'm not letting it go. Not now, not ever."

Then Kiba was back, taking away their second entre plates and Tenten brought their dessert plates. Iruka's eyes lit up at the sight of dessert. "And we now have dessert. A milk chocolate créme brûlée, a caramel custard foam, and a strawberry macaroon."

Yamato then brought over beautiful glasses of a sparkling wine. "This sparkling wine will pair nicely with your dessert. It is a _Vigneau-Chevreau Vouvray Petillant Demi-Sec_. Enjoy."

Kiba also brought over cups of coffee for everyone and even a large container of cream and sugar which he set next to Iruka, who smiled up at him appreciatively. Kiba winked at Kakashi, who reconsidered his demotion of the dog-boy.

"You remembered!" Iruka started pouring cream and sugar into his coffee happily.

Yes, Kiba was definitely getting a promotion. Head dishwasher for the dog-boy. Was that even a title? Kakashi would make it so.

They finished their desserts chatting amicably and drinking coffee as the restaurant was winding down quietly for the night.

"May I walk you to your car?" Kakashi asked after a moment. Naruto and Sasuke had gone to the rest room.

"Well, Sasuke drove me." Iruka said with a disappointed sigh.

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask. "May I walk you to _Sasuke's_ car?"

Iruka laughed. "I suppose."

They stood and walked like nervous teenagers out the door of the restaurant into the brisk night air. Kakashi wanted to put his arm around Iruka but he didn't. The man seemed anxious and frankly, he was a little edgy himself. So they walked side by side.

"Which car is it?" Kakashi asked, shooting a little glance down at Iruka.

Iruka nodded his head in the direction of a red Ferrari.

Kakashi stopped. "What!"

The tanned man looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Are you kidding me?" Kakashi asked.

"What?" Iruka looked confused as they reached the vehicle.

"Sasuke drove here in a _Ferrari?"_ Kakashi laughed and scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah, it's actually _Uchiha-san's_...I think he drove it to piss him off." Iruka grinned.

Of course Uchiha Itachi owned a Ferrari. _Showoff!_ He thought of his own understated black Land Rover. Well, he needed it to haul his dogs in – he couldn't imagine taking the mutts to the vet in a flashy sports car. What if Pakkun puked in a Ferrari? Think of the cleaning bills-! Kakashi wanted to key the car, but honestly it was too beautiful to do that to it.

Instead he stalked Iruka slowly up against the side of the vehicle until he was but a few inches away from him.

"I had a very nice time, Iruka." Kakashi said, his voice low.

Iruka blinked up at him, reaching a hand back to hold himself up against the Ferrari when he tried to take another step back and realized he couldn't.

"I-I did, too, Kakashi." Iruka said, suddenly uneasy. His eyes slanted anxiously in the direction of the front door of the restaurant.

Kakashi pulled his face mask down and leaned in. "I like you, Iruka."

"I..." He seemed confused. Iruka's eyelashes were fluttering.

They stayed like that for a moment. Kakashi's face came closer to Iruka's while he watched, seemingly transfixed by the sight of it unmasked. Possibly he was. Neither of them made any sound, too dazed by each other's closeness. Just when Iruka snapped back to reality, when he opened his mouth to say something, and Kakashi's lips pushed it shut again. Iruka's eyes widened. He let out a small whimper, which supposed to be a resisting sound he wanted to make.

Kakashi's lips pressed harder, nibbling softly on the Iruka's lips, consciously pressing his body against him as he slid his tongue inside. He could taste the coffee on the man, taste the chocolate créme brûlée that the had ate for dessert and fuck, it tasted _way better_ on this man's tongue. He wanted to crawl inside him discover all of his secrets. But, with great sadness and regret he pulled away from Iruka's lips and looked the man over. He could hear Sasuke and Naruto coming. Kakashi slid his mask back up.

Deliciously flushed, panting slightly, and looking fairly depraved, Umino Iruka was a beautiful sight to behold. Kakashi realized he could have this man right now if only he asked, if he pushed the issue and continued kissing. But he didn't want it to be that simple. He wasn't trying to seduce Iruka for a one-night stand. He now knew for certain that the attraction was mutual, but he wanted more than just the physical. And he had to deal with this _Uchiha-san_ issue. Relinquishing his hold, he stepped back and out of reach.

"Naruto and Sasuke are almost here." Kakashi smiled. "I am glad you came. And I meant what I said about wanting to date you. Did you want to get together again? Maybe just the two of us?"

Iuka swallowed, and seemed to find his voice at last. "Yeah. Let me give you my cell phone number."

"I don't have a cell phone." Kakashi laughed. "I should get one, ne?"

"Yes, you probably should!" Iruka laughed. "Just call my office. You have the number."

"Okay. Goodnight!" Kakashi smiled and waved as he watched Iruka, Naruto and Sasuke get into the red sports car and drive off into the night.

He had plans to make.

Uchiha-san, corporate-overlord was going down!

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

**A/N: Please Review! ^_^ **_- they make me so happy and don't take much time-!_

_Written in Memorandum for __**Raincoat Cat Man**__ - May you live on Forever in our Hearts! _

_Forever Youthful. Hip. Cool. And thoroughly Modern._

_If you want to watch Raincoat Cat Man's last Breath...check out HULU._

_Prepare your Kleenex - Naruto Shippuden Episode 90 (A Shinobi's Determination)_

_..._

_Also Written in Memorandum for __**Konohamaru's mom**__. _

_You know who you are. If YOU want to know you she is...look her up on DeviantArt. *chuckling madly*_


	5. Chapter 5: Iruka's Gifts

**Chapter Five – Iruka's Gifts**

_Reason #5 – Battle wounds from a zombie invasion_

Iruka was walking on air after the date last night. He slept soundly and woke up refreshed, stretching happily in bed. He reached over and turned off his beeping alarm clock and sat up. He had that early meeting with Itachi regarding the Tsunade account and he wanted to dress with care. Iruka sat up and yawned, scratching at his chest lazily. He stood and padded out into the living room barefoot.

He was a little surprised to see his Dad awake and sitting cross-legged on the couch eating cereal. The man was taking notes absently on a pad of yellow legal paper. There were various old copies of _Icha Icha_ lying around him and a DVD case open haphazardly. He was wearing pajama bottoms with little dancing bananas on them. They were his favorites because he called them his 'banana pajamas'. _Crazy old coot_. Why Iruka had to have that knowledge in his head was one reason why he needed to get his own place.

Jiraiya picked up the remote and paused the TV. "Morning. How was your date? Did you get laid?"

Iruka wrinkled his nose and flushed. "_Dad_."

The older man chuckled. "I only ask out of research."

"My sex life is not fodder for your amusement." He stated clearly.

Iruka folded his arms across his chest and plopped on the couch next to his father. He leaned over and picked up the yellow legal pad his dad had been writing on.

"So you _did_ get laid?" Jiraiya laughed.

"No." Iruka blushed. "But that's not the point, _Dad_; it's none of your business."

"I'm looking out for you." His dad said in mock seriousness.

"Hentai old man." Iruka accused with mock severity.

"You're starting to sound like Naruto." Jiraiya snorted.

Iruka glanced at the paper. It was various notes on a previous _Icha Icha_ movie they had worked on last year.

"What are you working on?" He asked, specifically changing the topic.

"Oh, a sequel to _Icha Icha Tactics_." Jiraiya said with a waggle of his eyebrows. "I'm watching the original now for inspiration."

His father flicked the TV back on and the porno started up again.

_The protagonist, Shigeo was stalking up on the poor defenseless Aina. They had just had a nice dinner at a restaurant. _

"_May I walk you to your car?" Shigeo asked politely._

"_Sure." Aina nodded. _

_They walked side by side through the parking lot, towards her car until they reached it. Then Shigeo made his move. _

"_I had a very nice time, Aina." Shigeo said fervently._

_Then Shigeo pushed Aina against the car and he kissed the girl passionately, sliding a hand up her shirt and cupping her breast. He paused after a few minutes of passionate kissing. _

_Aina looked up at Shigeo all doe-eyed. "I did, too, Shigeo." _

_Shigeo leaned down closely and whispered ardently. "I like you, Aina."_

_The movie zoomed in on Aina's face as it softened with love and lust. Then the couple was kissing again, Shigeo pressing his lips against Aina, crushing his lips against her, sliding his tongue against her mouth sloppily. The man slid one hand up the woman's blouse as she moaned loudly. _

"_I meant what I said about wanting to date you. Did you want to get together again?" Shigeo said as he continued to grope the woman. _

Iruka narrowed his gaze at the film in anger, his fists clenching. Anger blazed white-hot through his veins, dousing the earlier cheerfulness that he had felt. Had Kakashi really...quoted _Icha Icha_ porn lines to him last night? His _own_ dialogue lines that he had written? Iruka couldn't believe the nerve of that man! Was Hatake Kakashi some sort of deranged stalker? He wasn't sure if he was angrier that the man had used the lines or because it had worked? He couldn't wait to set the man straight. No one toyed with Umino Iruka and got away with it! And _no_, they would not be seeing each other again.

He stood and walked purposely out of the living room back into his bedroom and into the bathroom, ignoring his father's curious look. Iruka had no time for the old man's questions. He had early morning meeting with _Uchiha-san_.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Iruka walked through the glass doors into the _Uchiha Insurance Company_ lobby carrying his customary Starbucks in one hand, his briefcase in the other. He had dressed with purpose for the day; wearing a tailored pinstriped suit with a navy shirt and charcoal tie. His hair was pulled back in his usual pony tail. The lobby was empty except for a strange man standing next the front desk area, talking quietly with Sakura. He had what looked like dyed green hair and very pale features. His nametag said 'Zetsu's Florist Shop'. He was carrying a very large bouquet of flowers in his hands.

He started to brush past the lobby when Sakura stopped him short.

"_Umino-san_?" Sakura said.

"Yes, Sakura?" He paused, turning around.

"Are you Umino Iruka?" The strange man stated, looking down at a clipboard that he was holding. He flipped through a few papers.

Iruka nodded in confusion. "Hai."

"These are for you, then." The delivery man handed him the large bouquet.

Iruka barely managed to take a hold of the glass vase in his arms, trying to juggle it, along with his Starbucks coffee.

"Nani...?" He looked at the delivery man in bewilderment. "Ano...are you sure?"

"There is a card, Umino-san." The green-haired delivery man said solemnly. He pointed towards the little white card nestled in the flowers. Iruka nodded absently and adjusted the uncomfortable bundle in his arms.

"Do I need to sign for anything?" Iruka asked.

"No, you're all set." The delivery guy smiled in a slightly creepy way and tapped his nametag. "And if you ever need any flowers, _Zetsu's Florist Shop_, is a full service floral shop."

Iruka nodded vaguely and walked down the hall towards his office, struggling to hold everything upright. It was a very large arrangement. He turned down the hall between some cubicles and nearly ran into Sasuke. The younger man took one look at him and smirked broadly.

"Nice flowers." Sasuke said.

"I guess." Iruka sighed as he turned into his office and set the arrangement down on his desk.

"So." Sasuke slouched against his doorjamb.

Iruka set his Starbucks cup down and laid his briefcase in a chair. He walked over and flipped his computer on turned to glare at the younger man.

"So." Iruka paused. "How can I help you?"

"Who are they from?" Sasuke gestured towards the flowers. "_Brillo pad_?"

They both reached for the white card in the flower arrangement at the same time but Sasuke grabbed it first. He held the card gleefully and pulled it away to read aloud:

"_To the lovely Iruka. I hope you enjoyed last night as much as I did. I can't wait to see you again. – Kakashi." _

Iruka's face began to take on a very lovely shade of red as he flushed. There was a knock on his door and Itachi appeared in the doorway. He seemed to have heard what Sasuke had said, and Iruka blushed even harder.

"How sweet..." Sasuke cooed teasingly as he tossed the card on Iruka's desk.

"Shut up, ping pong." Iruka sat down in his chair angrily.

"Ping pong?" Itachi asked Sasuke in confusion.

"Yes, Iruka, why don't you explain _that_ to Big Brother?" Sasuke smirked and slinked out of his office.

Iruka sighed and was about to try and explain it when his phone rang. He picked up the hand set and answered.

"_Uchiha Insurance Company_, this is Umino Iruka speaking_._" Iruka said professionally.

"Umino Iruka?" A male voice asked.

"Yes, this is he." Iruka confirmed and looked at Itachi with a shrug.

"Oh, this is Kakashi; I was just calling to see if you got my flowers." The man paused. "Did you like them?" He sounded nervous.

Iruka felt anger surge within him and he wanted to tell him off but Itachi was standing right there so he couldn't go off on the man right then.

"No, I did not like them." Iruka started.

"What?" Kakashi sounded surprised. "Did they deliver the right ones? Describe the bouquet to me."

"Huh? No, I'm not going to _describe_ the bouquet to you. Has anyone ever told you that you are profoundly self-centered?"

"Yes, actually." Kakashi confirmed.

"Well, I'm not surprised." Iruka huffed changing his mind, his anger getting the best of him. "I know what you did last night. What you..._quoted_ to me." Iruka paused.

Kakashi was silent on the other end of the line.

"Do you think your little antics amuse me?" Iruka accused.

"I think we'd be good together, just as soon as you stop fighting me on everything," Kakashi said seriously.

"I think, perhaps, your brain has been addled." Iruka said angrily.

"Maa...Iruka." Kakashi scoffed over the phone. "I'm a genius."

"I think you were dropped on your head as a child. It explains the hair."

"What are you saying?" Kakashi sounded like he was pouting on the other end of the phone.

"I'm saying I would vomit on you but you'd probably be into that, you hentai." Iruka hung up the phone with a loud clang.

He glared at the phone and turned around, just then realizing Itachi was still standing there. He flushed.

"I-I'm sorry, _Uchiha-san_. I completely forgot you were still there." Iruka scratched the scar on his nose.

Itachi arched an elegant eyebrow at his choice of words and Iruka flushed even redder.

His boss cleared his throat. "So your date with _Hatake-san_ did not go well?"

Iruka laughed nervously. "_No_." Then he picked up his files and his Starbucks cup and stood, trying to shift the topic of conversation away from his failed dating life. "Ready for our meeting, Uchiha-san?"

"Hn." Itachi replied. Itachi was wearing a slim tailored black suit with a dark crimson shirt. His black and charcoal stripped tie was held back with a tasteful diamond and ruby tie clip that was in the Uchiha fan logo which probably cost more than Iruka's first car.

They walked down the hall towards Itachi's large corner office. As they walked in, Itachi walked over to his desk and sat down in his large chair behind his massive mahogany desk. Iruka took a seat in front of him and opened the Tsunade account file. He began moving the papers around and looking at the notes that he had made the previous day in preparation for the meeting.

"I took the liberty of ordering us some breakfast for our meeting." Itachi said after a moment.

Iruka looked up and blinked. "Breakfast?" He said lamely.

"Yes, it's the meal before lunch?" Uchiha-san said with a small smile.

"Did you just make..._a joke_?" Iruka said with mild incredulity.

"I believe I did." Itachi nodded.

Iruka's mouth opened but no sound came out.

Finally he replied, "Oh." Wow, Iruka, _great_ comeback.

"Well, you don't know me very well do you?" The man said picking up a stack of papers and tapped them on his desk. He then leaned over and the front desk on his phone.

The intercom buzzed and then the receptionist picked up. "_Uchiha Insurance Company, How may I direct your call?_" Sakura answered pleasantly.

"Sakura, this is Uchiha Itachi. You may bring in the breakfast I ordered now." He said as he released the button.

"Yes, _Uchiha-san_, sir. Right away." She answered politely.

Iruka watched as Sakura brought in a tray of muffins and a carafe of coffee on the table across the room. She grinned at Iruka and then bowed meekly at Itachi.

"Anything else I can get for you, sir?" She asked, her pink hair falling forward as she bowed.

"No that's all." Itachi said, dismissing her. "You can close the door on your way out."

"Yes, _Uchiha-san_, sir." Sakura bowed again, nearly tripping over herself to leave. She shut the door quietly as she exited the room.

Iruka turned back to ask a question about the account but the query died on his lips as he watched Itachi stand up and walk around the desk. He carried his orderly stack of papers over to the coffee table where the food was sitting and laid it down. Then he proceeded to pour two cups of coffee then began pouring cream and lots of sugar in them.

"I thought we could work on the account over here?" Itachi said as he unbuttoned his black suit jacket and settled comfortably into one side of the couch.

Iruka found himself blinking owlishly at the man for the second time in the span of a few minutes.

"Sure, okay." Iruka said as he stood and walked over to the little couch. Before he sat, he took off his black pinstriped jacket and laid it on the side of a nearby chair. It wouldn't be comfortable to sit on the couch with his blazer. He sat and started to roll up the sleeves of his navy shirt and looked down at the file. He felt great that Itachi trusted him to work on Tsunade account, it was really rewarding to show for his efforts after all these years.

He glanced down at the file on his lap and flipped through the papers. He pulled out the list of detailed notes he had made the previous afternoon for the Tsunade meeting. Iruka was about to start asking some questions about the mayor when Itachi's knee slid next into his along the couch.

Iruka blushed madly as he felt a jolt run through his body. Oh god, he though. No, don't get turned on in a meeting with your boss.

"Sorry, _Uchiha-san_." He apologized nonsensically, even though it had been Itachi who had bumped into him. He moved the file over his lap more carefully. Iruka reached up and scratched at his scar nervously.

"No problem." Itachi said.

Itachi's knee brushed him again. Was the man sitting closer? Was it hot in here?

"Would you like some coffee?" Itachi offered, pointing over at the coffee table. "Or a muffin?"

Iruka swallowed thickly, looking over at his boss. When had he moved so much closer? In all their years working together he could never remember ever sitting so close to the man. He could smell his aftershave. He tried very carefully to remind himself that he had a crush on this man, which he had harbored in secret for years. Why was he feeling so intimidated all of a sudden?

"Or would you like something _else_?" Itachi said softly.

"Err-" Iruka's eyes opened widely and mouth opened but very little sensible sound came out.

"I was going to wait, but overhearing your conversation with _Hatake-san_ this morning I couldn't contain myself any longer." _Uchiha-san_ confessed, pulling an elegantly wrapped box out, which he put in Iruka's hands.

Iruka looked down at the package.

"Open it." Itachi commanded.

It was a square white box about eight inches square, tied with a bright red ribbon. Iruka looked nervously at Itachi but he was used to following orders. He tugged on the ribbon and then lifted the lid off the box. He pushed aside the tissue paper inside and pulled out the contents. It was a leather dog collar; red with a silver nametag that read _'Property of Itachi'_. Iruka's mouth dropped open in momentary confusion as he held the soft leather collar in his hands. He glanced anxiously over at _Uchiha-san_.

Damnit, the perfect sexy Itachi finally liked him, but he had to be all weird and kinky like this? Iruka's mind worked furiously on the inside. Well, he thought to himself, he _wasn't_ a prude. Maybe it wouldn't be _so_ bad. He could deal with a dog collar. Maybe the man just liked to role play a little. Iruka could deal with that.

"If you kneel, I'll put it on you." Itachi said, licking his lips.

Iruka handed the collar to his boss with trepidation and kneeled between Itachi's legs. It was a very suggestive position and the nature of it was not lost on him. His face awash with scarlet.

The man started unbuttoning Iruka's shirt slowly and loosened his tie, taking his time. Itachi caressed his neck with a finger and Iruka's eyes widened. His pulse beat rapidly against the finger. He wondered if his boss could feel it. His breathing was harsh, he was so nervous. Oh, god could he go through with this? Before he could formulate any response, Itachi leaned forward and then slipped the collar around his neck. It fit snugly but it wasn't uncomfortable. The leather was actually soft against his skin. The pale, dark haired man advanced towards Iruka and gave a tug on the dog collar sharply.

"And you can vomit on me if you want." Itachi said as he pinched Iruka's nipple hard through his shirt. "I won't mind."

"Nani?" Iruka yelped, pulling away from his boss falling onto his back. What had the man just said?

Sasuke opened the door carrying a stack of files. He shut the door behind him and leaned against it. He looked at Iruka splayed on the floor, shirt half open, sporting a dog collar and Itachi on the couch, arms now crossed.

"Big Brother, this reminds me of some porn I found on your computer."

"Little brother, go away." Itachi ordered his brother.

"Sasuke, don't you have..._somewhere_ to be?" Iruka blushed riotously and reached up to undo the clasp on the dog collar.

"No, this seems like exactly where I want to be." Sasuke grinned as he pulled out his blackberry and began texting.

"What are you doing?" Iruka said in alarm.

"Texting Dobe." Sasuke said.

"Oh, fuck." Iruka cursed taking the dog collar off and standing. He put the collar in the box it came in, knowing Itachi was watching him. His phone was already buzzing in his pocket.

"Aren't you going to answer your phone, Iruka?" Sasuke asked merrily.

"You're an asshole, ping pong." He glared at the younger man as he picked up all of his notes on the Tsunade account that he had dropped earlier.

"Isn't anyone going to explain what 'ping pong' means?" Itachi said in confusion.

"You're being very naughty today, Iruka." Sasuke laughed. "And Naruto is never going to let it drop if you don't answer him." Sasuke said.

Iruka sighed. "I know." He turned to Itachi and tried to look more composed than he felt. "Can we discus the Tsunade account later, _Uchiha-san_?"

"Yes, _Umino-san_." Itachi said. "We will."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Iruka picked at his take-out ramen. Hinata had brought it back for him for lunch when she had stepped out to get herself something to eat earlier. He couldn't even summon up enough hunger eat his favorite lunch. He glanced up and glared at the bouquet of flowers on this desk. How had he gone from having no suitors to - two crazy hentai suitors in just the span of a few days?

Just then, Hidan walked past the window next to his office door and grabbed his crotch and shook it at him suggestively. Iruka grimaced and turned away from the view. Make that _three_ suitors. That bizarre copier repairman, _Gaara_, had been right. This office had a seedy underbelly.

Hidan opened the door to his office without knocking. He grinned and leered at Iruka. "Wanna know what I did last night?"

"If I cared about what you did last night, Hidan, I would stick a shotgun in my mouth." Iruka remarked pointing a chopstick at the man.

"Harsh, Umino, harsh." Hidan sulked.

Iruka's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at it. It was an unidentified number. He sighed. At least it wasn't Naruto. He still hadn't answered any of his text messages.

"Go away." Iruka ordered to Hidan and waved him off with his chopstick.

The man sighed and shut the door behind himself.

"Hello?" Iruka answered he phone.

"Is this Umino Iruka?" Kakashi said on the other end. Iruka recognized his voice right away this time.

"_Kakashi?_" He asked.

"Yo." Kakashi said.

"What did you want?" Iruka inquired, a little surprised to be hearing from the chef. He hadn't given the man his cell phone number after all. On top of the fact he was pretty sure he'd been clear regarding his feelings earlier.

"I called to apologize for being stupid last night." Kakashi said seriously.

"Stupidity is probably not the best foundation to support a relationship." Iruka countered.

"I know."

"Hatake, you have the morals and appearance of an overgrown, albino baboon."

Kakashi chuckled. "That's a new one."

Iruka growled.

"Okay, give me one good reason why you _don't_ think that this could work." Kakashi asked.

"You go out of your way to be an obnoxious, useless, and annoying, for starters!" Iruka snapped. "And I'm starting to think you're stalking me."

"Its not stalking if I'm beside you." Kakashi said in utter seriousness.

"I'm not entirely sure if that makes any sense-" Iruka began but was cut off.

"And I'm not useless - I have a job. You know they have a nickname for me on _The Food Network_."

"Ano." Iruka paused as he started to eat his lukewarm ramen again. He had to admit, he was curious in spite of himself. "What is it?"

"Master of a Thousand Knives." Kakashi said smugly.

Iruka snorted.

"_What?"_ Now the man sounded like he was pouting on the phone.

"You have been watching your own Foodography, haven't you?" Iruka accused.

"Maa...Asuma had it on in the back office." He said unconvincingly. "He made me watch it."

"Asuma made you, huh? At knife point?"

"They say my fingers are very nimble, Iruka..." Kakashi said suggestively.

Iruka's only response was a loud, indelicate snort because his mouth was full. He finished his lunch and tossed the empty bowl into the bag and then into the trash.

He reached up and rubbed his temple. He sighed deeply as his eyes caught the box from Itachi that was hiding under the Tsunade account file. Oh, god, what was he going to do about _that_? He blanched at the thought. Iruka really had to figure this all out.

"Why do you wear the mask and eye patch, Kakashi?" Iruka asked tiredly.

"Battle wounds from a zombie invasion." The silver-haired man said.

Iruka made a sound of disgust. "That must keep you up at nights."

"You're welcome to keep me company, Iruka." Kakashi offered.

"_Hentai_."

...

A/N: **Please Review ^_^**

For my muses, _dattebayo1013_ and _WhitenyRose_, who allow me to vent about pretty much everything on daily basis. They also kick my ass to actually write when I would probably be otherwise goofing off on the internet or creeping on DeviantArt. No jokes this time. Just...thank-you, guys.

And go read their stuff – they're both great writers!


	6. Chapter 6: Kakashi's Meeting

**Chapter Six – Kakashi's Meeting**

_Reason #6 – It's a fashion statement._

Kakashi was a light sleeper. It was a gift from his days in the military; he never could fall into one of those heavy slumbers where phones and distractions don't bother one. So when the phone rang at some ungodly hour the next morning - of eight forty nine am, it woke him up. And he wasn't exactly pleasant. You have to understand – he had closed the restaurant last night, and then stayed up with Gai challenging one another to a daikon dicing contest – let's just say he hadn't gotten home until around five am.

He reached an irritated hand out towards his nightstand. It was covered in a tidy, but overflowing array of two Icha Icha Paradise's, a digital alarm clock, a lamp, a phone, a grey humidifier, a few pill bottles, his inhalator, and an epi-pen. Kakashi slammed his hand down on the phone, picked up the receiver and held it up to his unmasked face. "Who is it?"

"_Hatake Kakashi?"_ a smooth voice inquired.

"Who are you?" Kakashi growled. "And why are you bothering me?"

The voice paused. "I'm not sure if you remember me, but this is Uchiha Sasuke," he paused. "We met-"

"Ping pong!" Kakashi chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stand on end.

"_Fucking nickname,"_ Sasuke muttered. "Don't call me that."

"What can I do for you?" Kakashi sat up in bed and glared at the clock blearily.

"It's about Iruka," Sasuke said.

"Eh?" Kakashi blinked. "What about the lovely Iruka?"

Sasuke snorted. "Itachi is on the prowl."

"Tell me something I don't know," Kakashi sat up and pushed the blankets off and stretched. "Why are you telling me this, though? Isn't he your big brother?"

"I _hate_ Itachi," Sasuke said with feeling.

"Hmm..." Kakashi stood and pushed his toes into a pair of zori he had next to his bed. He did remember Ping Pong saying something vaguely about that last night during dinner.

"Do you want to know what I walked in on yesterday morning?" Sasuke said after a moment.

"Maa..." Kakashi quirked an eyebrow. This must have been during that Tsunade account meeting Iruka had been excited about.

"Yes," Sasuke paused for effect, and then continued. "Iruka was on his knees, between Itachi's legs wearing a dog collar."

"What!" He yelled nearly dropping the phone in the process.

"I thought that might get your attention," Sasuke said and Kakashi had the distinct impression the young man was smirking on the other end of the phone.

"Is this a prank?" Kakashi threatened.

"I have been told countless times that I don't have a sense of humor, Brillo Pad," Sasuke said.

He bristled at the moniker but he was silent and glared at the phone his hand. "Come to the restaurant in one hour. We need to have a meeting."

Kakashi hung up and slammed the phone down angrily. It was time to get serious. _Uchiha-san_, corporate-overlord was going down!

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"First official meeting of the brain trust is called to order," Kakashi said, rapping a spoon against the table.

The crowd was gathered in the empty dining room at ANBU. Most everyone was enjoying freshly baked cinnamon rolls that Deidara had just baked. It was technically a staff meeting, but since he was the majority owner of the business, he could call it whatever he wanted.

Kurenai looked over at him in confusion. She was holding some sort of clipboard with boring spreadsheets on it. "What Kakashi?"

"What is the purpose of this?" Asuma laughed.

"The eventual down fall of _Uchiha-san_, corporate overlord," Kakashi said with a straight face.

Uchiha Sasuke, who was sitting next to him drinking an espresso, smirked over his tiny cup.

"Isn't that a little..._dramatic_?" Genma laughed from a near by table. He licked some errant cream cheese icing off his chin that had dribbled down when he took a big bite of cinnamon roll.

"I don't think so," Kakashi scratched the back of his head.

"C'mon," Asuma laughed, kicking his feet up on a chair and putting his arms up behind his back in a relaxed slouch. "It's a little bit of overkill, Kakashi."

"Now, sempai..." Yamato laughed from his position a few seats away. He set down his '_Wine Spectator' _magazine to actually pay attention during a staff meeting for once.

"I think it's a beautiful sign of love, youthfulness and vitality," Gai said enthusiastically. He even offered a happy thumbs-up sign of approval along with a toothy grin.

Most of the room groaned.

"You say that about _everything_, Gai. You said that about the cut of yellowfin tuna I brought in yesterday," Kisame pointed out.

"But it was! It was so _fresh_ and _vigorous!"_ Gai nodded his head happily at Kisame.

"It was tuna!" Kisame argued.

"But Kisame!" Gai sulked.

Kakashi smacked the spoon on the table to get the employees attention.

"_Yes_, the tuna was fresh and vigorous. We can all agree on that," Kakashi said. "Everyone agree?"

There was a smattering of approval from the room and Gai brightened immediately.

"Now, moving on..." Kakashi sighed.

"Can we discus the projected sales and marketing-?" Kurenai started waving her excel spreadsheets around.

"No!" Kakashi barked and banged the spoon on the table.

"The topic at hand is _Uchiha-san_, Kurenai," He flapped his hand in her general direction. "Get with the program."

The black-haired woman sighed. "Kakashi, what does this have to do with-"

He tutted at her and Asuma chuckled and put an arm around her. Kurenai huffed indignantly, used to the Kakashi's rants during staff meetings, but still not appreciating them. She crossed her arms and glared at the eccentric Executive Chef.

"Fine," Kurenai set her clipboard down. "Is this going to take up the whole meeting?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Maybe?"

"But it just started," She objected, taking a bite of cinnamon roll. "That's just rude."

"Maybe you can offer some _feminine_ perspective?" Asuma suggested.

She grumbled.

"I don't know about that, isn't _Deidara_ more feminine than _Kurenai?"_ Kisame interjected with a sly grin.

"Hey!" Deidara yelped from his seat, his poufy blond hair swaying in anger. "Uhn...I'm _not_ feminine, yeah."

"You're not exactly a bastion of masculinity, are you?" Genma snickered, licking icing off his thumb.

"Wait, I am more womanly than him!" Kurenai slammed her fist down on the table, shaking the wooden bench in anger.

"I think the meeting has gotten away from you, Cyclops," Sasuke commented, looking at Kakashi.

The silver haired man scratched the back of his head. "It always does."

"Brain trust, _indeed_," Sasuke snorted.

"Now, honey," Asuma put an arm round Kurenai, trying to sooth his wife. "Don't listen to that blond idiot. You're definitely more feminine than him. After all, you're stacked like pancakes."

She looked vaguely mollified at the comment.

Kakashi rapped on the table again with his spoon. "Now, everyone. Can we get back to the topic at hand?"

"What _was_ the topic again, Kakashi?" Aoba asked, sunglasses propped up on his forehead.

He sighed and shot a glower over at Sasuke who was chuckling beside him.

"The downfall of _Uchiha-san_," He repeated.

"And...who is that?" Aoba frowned.

Kakashi deflated a little. Had no one been paying attention?

"Why, it is the competitor to the hand of my Eternal Rival's Lovely Iruka's fair heart-!" Gai exclaimed.

Kakashi covered up his face when Sasuke turned and gave him a look.

"I am not helping Kakashi get laid," Kiba interjected from where he sat next to Tenten. "He is always making me do the stupidest errands and he doesn't pay me back. He also cut off Akamaru's supply of chicken livers."

"Damnit Kiba," Kakashi pointed the spoon at the youth. "I promoted you!"

"To _'Head Dishwasher'_...!" Kiba muttered under his breath loudly. There was petulant look on his tattooed face.

Genma, at a nearby table snickered at the title and Kiba's face reddened in embarrassment.

"Maa...are you _complaining_, Inuzuka?" Kakashi continued to point the spoon at the youth. "Because the salary increase that went along with that title you're bitching about can easily be-"

"Shut up, Dog-breath!" Tenten slapped Kiba upside the head from where she was sitting beside the busboy and Head Dishwasher and he grimaced at her.

Tenten then gave a beatific smile at the group. "I think it's _romantic_."

"Romantic?" Genma laughed. "Aren't we talking about Hakate's pervy sex life?"

"A sign of young love and vitality for my Eternal Rival!" Gai enthused with a bright smile. "A sign of-"

"_Can it_, Gai!" Kisame tossed a wadded up napkin at the smiling chef who began sulking. It landed between his two bushy eyebrows and he began sulking as his tirade was interrupted.

"Ne, we need to focus," Kakashi rapped the spoon on the table. "Does anyone have any ideas?"

"Have you sent him flowers?" Kurenai suggested.

"Yes, of course," He flapped his hand back and forth. "_Yesterday_."

She nodded in thought. "Chocolates?"

"Too common. I need to step up my game," Kakashi said pointing the spoon at the group. "The competition has brought out the big guns." He turned and pointed to Sasuke. "Ping pong, what are your thoughts?"

Sasuke muttered a curse out under his breath. "My name is _Sasuke!"_ He growled at the group.

Most of the group looked at him and then laughed.

Kakashi tapped the spoon on the table to get their attention. "That's enough out of you lot. Let ping pong have his turn."

The black-haired man straightened his tie and glared at Kakashi. He reached over and tried to take the spoon away from the chef, but the cook foresaw the maneuver and switched hands, holding the spoon away from him. Sasuke leaned back and pretended not to care.

"Itachi is a pervert," Sasuke said with a shrug of his business suit-clad shoulders.

Kiba raised his hand and Tenten slapped the back of his head. He rubbed the back of his head. "What was that for?"

"You don't have to raise your hand, this isn't a classroom," Tenten scoffed.

"But I wanna know who Itachi is?" Kiba asked in confusion, still rubbing the back of his bushy head.

"Hn," Sasuke grunted. "Itachi is _Uchiha-san_. That's his name."

"Oh," Kiba nodded, still looking confused. "So you know him?"

"He's my brother," Sasuke clarified as he rolled his eyes at Kiba.

"What sort of pervert is he?" Kiba asked curiously.

Tenten groaned and slapped Kiba upside the head again. Inuzuka hadn't learned to dodge and took another hit upside the head. "Dog-breath! What sort of question is that?"

Kakashi rapped the spoon on the table a few times.

"Oi! It's a valid question!" Kiba defended himself, looking peeved at Tenten. "I mean, why are supposedly saving Iruka from this pervy _Uchiha-san_...when Kakashi is pretty pervy himself? I'm just trying to see the logic, ok?"

The room was silent for a moment and then everyone started to laugh.

"You know, Kakashi...he has you there," Asuma pointed out.

Kakashi folded his arms over his chest. "I'm not that perverted. I resent the implication."

"You've got porn in your jacket right now," Genma commented.

"That's different," Kakashi pouted.

The room broke out into more ribald laughter at their Executive Chef's discomfort and sulking.

"Itachi is into really weird stuff," Sasuke offered after a moment when the laughter died down.

"Like what?" Genma asked, leaning forward, a toothpick stuck in his mouth.

"Egg porn," Sasuke shrugged. "BDSM, tentacles, mpreg, necrophilia, you name it."

There was silence for a few minutes in the room.

"What the hell is _egg porn_?" Yamato asked curiously from his seat on the other side of Kiba and Tenten.

Kiba laughed and punched the sommelier in the shoulder. "I'll show you some pictures on my phone later, bro. It's sick!"

Yamato blushed slightly. "Oh, it's okay, Kiba. I was just curious. I don't need to. Ano, you don't have to-"

Genma laughed and then pointed at Sasuke. "And how do you know that about your big brother? Kinda pervy, wouldn't you say?"

"I accidently came across his porn stash when I was looking for some old family photos for a school project," Sasuke's face showed a trace of horror.

"Poor Iruka!" Gai cheered exclaimed loudly. "We must save him from Uchiha-san's vigorous, vile and altogether lecherous clutches!"

"Iruka seems very wholesome..." Kakashi nodded. "So _nice_..."

Sasuke choked back some laugher, "Well, let's be clear. Nice! _Nice? _Kakashi, do you even know Iruka? He spends eight hours a day writing insurance policies with miniscule loopholes just so rich people can get away with saving more money at the expense the governmental system. I think we can all safely assume that that implies a certain degree of _not-niceness_."

Kakashi frowned at this insight. "Err..."

Then Sasuke paused for a moment and took another sip of espresso then continued "In fact I can personally guarantee that Umino Iruka is one of the most stubborn, hardheaded and all around most-obstinate men of I have ever met. Get on the wrong side of that and you'll very soon learn just how not-nice he can be."

"Not nice?" Kiba inquired.

"The man likes to play dirty pranks," Sasuke snorted and leaned back in his chair, as if remembering something unpleasant.

Kakashi looked around the table and tapped his spoon a few times. "Does anyone else have any remarks?"

"You could take Iruka to the movies?" Kisame suggested.

"Maybe," he considered. Going to the movies on a date was classic, and pretty much as far from whatever that pervy _Uchiha-san_ would probably come up with. Besides, he could always try to feel up the lovely Iruka in the dark. He grinned. Maybe the movies weren't such a dopey idea.

Kakashi tapped the spoon on the table. "Movies it is. First meeting of the brain trust, adjourned. Thank-you all for attending. See Kurenai for parking validation." He stood; as the black-haired women frowned at him waving various excel spreadsheets in his face.

Sasuke stood and signaled goodbye briefly then left the restaurant, probably heading to work. The other restaurant employees stood and began milling about talking and laughing.

"Kakashi!" Kurenai yelled, "We never discussed the projected sales and marketing reports..!"

"Maa..." Kakashi wiggled his hand back in forth in the air at her. "Why don't you talk to Asuma about that? He owns half the business, ne?"

The woman squinted her eyes at him and huffed angrily. "_He_ told me to ask you! _He_ said he doesn't handle the sales and marketing half of the business!"

He inched away from her, and pulled out his cell phone. "Sorry, Kurenai...I've gotta make a very important business call..."

She glared at him and at the phone. "Since when do you even own a cell phone, Kakashi?"

Kakashi smiled brightly. "Genma and I went to the store and bought it for me yesterday afternoon! It does something called tweeting. I'm not sure what that is, or why I want my phone to make bird chirping noises, but he assures me this is something I want to do." He shrugged.

Kurenai snorted. "You don't know what twitter is?"

"Something on the internet?" He scratched the back of his head. "My agent has been pestering me about it but it seems like so much work."

She looked at him in frustration and looked like she wanted to say something more, but Asuma put an arm around her and pulled her away. Kakashi took the moment offered up by his good friend and scampered away from the broken up meeting. He walked into the kitchen and found Genma.

"Maa...Genma-chan," Kakashi asked as nicely as he could.

The honey-haired chef was pulling a chef's coat over his tank top, which showed off the various tattoos that snaked up his bare arms almost completely. Genma arched an eyebrow at his Boss, a toothpick still in the side of his mouth. "Eh, Kakashi?"

"Can you show me how to work my phone again?" Kakashi held out the small black cell phone to the sous-chef.

Genma groaned. Kakashi wiggled the phone in the air back and forth.

"You owe me. We're already backed up on the line," The blond man grabbed the phone from his boss's hand and started to walk down between the sterile stainless steel counters. "C'mon, let's go back to the alley. We don't get good reception here in the kitchen."

Kakashi smiled behind his mask and followed Genma, shoving his hands in his pockets with a happy slouch.

"And _stop_ calling me Genma-chan," The sous-chef glared at him while he opened the back door to the alley.

The silver-haired man chuckled. "What sort of favor did you want?"

"This Iruka must know someone hot," Genma leaned against the wall as he easily turned on the phone, fingers racing over the flat screen and entering Umino's phone number, which had already been programmed into it. "Have him set me up on a date," he shoved the phone at Kakashi as it was ringing.

Kakashi gingerly placed the phone against his ear just as Iruka picked up.

"_Uchiha Insurance Company_, this is Umino Iruka," Iruka said in a distracted voice.

"Yo," he said cheerfully. "It's Kakashi."

Genma swirled his toothpick in his mouth then made a crass hip thrusting gesture. "Hook a brother up, Kakashi!" Then he opened the backdoor up, and went back inside the restaurant, leaving Kakashi to glare at his backside.

"Ohayo, Kakashi," Iruka said and Kakashi could hear the smile in his voice. He turned and leaned against the cinderblock wall of the alley.

"How was your day?" Kakashi asked.

"Busy," Iruka said with a small laugh.

Kakashi could imagine him slumped at his desk, hair askew, papers on his desk disheveled. God, he was getting hard just thinking about it. His hand clutched the phone a little tighter.

"Did you want to go to the movies?" He asked trying to sound as casual as possible, belaying the nervous flutters in his stomach. "With me?"

"Tonight?" Iruka inquired.

"No, three years from now, I'm just making a reservation," Kakashi responded sarcastically before he could stop himself.

There was a beat of silence, and then Iruka laughed. "Well I'm glad you cleared that up."

"Actually I was thinking tomorrow night," He clarified.

"Sure," Iruka said. "What time?"

"How about seven thirty?" Kakashi asked, gratified that he sounded normal. Rational, even. As if he called up sexy men and made dates all the time.

"Sure," The attractive insurance underwriter agreed. "Did you want me to pick you up at the restaurant?"

Kakashi paused before responding. He hadn't really thought this far a head, to be honest. He had assumed he would drive, but he didn't know where the man lived so it probably did make more sense for Iruka to pick him up at the restaurant.

"Maa...sounds like a plan." Kakashi smiled and scratched the back of his head.

"Okay, see you then, Kakashi," Iruka said. "So..."

"Yeah?" He posed, sensing the younger man had a question.

"Are you going to tell me why you wear a mask, Kakashi?"

He reached up and fingered the white mask that covered the lower portion of his face idly. "It's a fashion statement."

The other man snorted on the phone. "Yeah, okay."

"Goodnight, Iruka," He said huskily. "Pleasant dreams."

Iruka's muffled laughter was then followed by the click as he ended the call.

Kakashi held the phone up and re-entered the kitchen. All of the sous-chefs, prep cooks, line cooks, dishwashers, servers, caterers, and the hostess turned to look at him in expectation. He held up the phone in victory.

"I've got a movie date for tomorrow," he said with a smile.

"Way to go, sempai!" Yamato stated as he walked past, carrying an uncorked bottle of red wine.

Kakashi nodded at his kohai and passed the phone to Genma who was standing close by. "How do I turn it off?"

Genma sighed and showed him again. _For the fourth time._ "Kakashi is not machine compatible."

Kakashi grumbled at the comment and took the phone back, pocketing the electronic device with a huff.

"So did you get me a hot date?" Genma asked with interest, flicking his toothpick back and forth.

"Ahh...I'll ask Iruka about it tomorrow." He flapped his hand at the honey-haired chef as he put on his own chef coat to get started cooking for the nightly rush.

Kakashi started in on a complicated dish that had just come down the line, standing across from Kiba who was leaning against the counter nonchalantly talking to their gourmet cheese vender, Shino. It was very odd that the two would even get along, considering how loud and brash Kiba was. And Shino was very intelligent but spent most of his time at his family's farm coming up with new exotic cheese varieties. However the two were really best friends.

He found himself overhearing their conversation while he worked.

"I had confidence in a fart once. And I pooped in my pants," Kiba said.

"That is most vulgar," Shino, the cheese vender, straightened his glasses. He looked awkward and offended. He probably was.

"It happens," Kiba shrugged and continued washing the dishes.

Kakashi turned and looked at the two of them over his shoulders, hiding his smirk.

"I'm taking Iruka to see a movie tomorrow. Do you recommend anything?" He found himself asking.

Shino reached up and tapped on his glasses. "They're playing _Jaws_ at the Egyptian theater."

He quirked an eyebrow.

Kiba nodded vigorously at his friend's suggestion. "Ooo...good call, Shino."

"Jaws? Kakashi frowned. "Isn't that an old movie?"

"It is a classic film, Kakashi-san," Shino shrugged.

"Yeah, Boss," Kiba wiggled in excitement where he stood. "And when Iruka gets all scared during the movie you can put your comforting arm around him. And then you're primed for groping!"

Shino sighed in exasperation. "You're deplorable."

Kakashi's leered. "That's a clever idea, Dog-breath."

Inuzuka whined at the nickname, _"Man, not you, too!"_

"Clever being another word for diabolic," Shino stated as he crossed his arms cross his chest.

Kiba and Kakashi reached over and bumped knuckles.

"Fuck yeah," Kiba said enthusiastically.

...

_A/N: Please Review!_

_So, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sorry for the delay with it but I got busy lately. We had this KakaIru Smut Writing Challenge for Kakashi's Birthday and I wrote my entry called "Henged Perceptions" – you're welcome to go read it if you want –It came out pretty well I thought. And, if it isn't too arrogant to say – I actually won the challenge so I guess other's thought it was pretty good, too. _


End file.
